It’s been a strange and stressful week. I worked the bank holiday Monday but then my run wasn’t on for 10 days. Seems the factory still celebrate Whitsun. I don’t even know what that is.
I took advantage and told the agency I was having Tuesday and Wednesday off to train. Ha! Tuesday I was struck down with a cracking headache. Which reminds me, in the previous few weeks, when I was cutting out the chocolate and riding my bike to work every day, I didn’t get a headache. That is pretty amazing for me.
I’m not sure if it was the lack of chocolate/ butter or the exercise keeping my sinuses flowing (tmi, I know!) but it was welcome.
So Tuesday I basically moped and necked painkillers. The agency sent me a text saying ‘call me’. I did. “Can you work tonight?” No, you cheeky bastards.
Anyway, that left me with Wednesday to do some serious training. I got my bike all set up, got a load of energy gels, some energy powder mixed into two one litre water bottles, and set off to Rhyl. Gmaps pedometer said it was a 110 mile round trip. I was up for it.
I got over the swing bridge and turned on to the start of Walton drag (14 minutes, 45 seconds riding) when my back tyre popped going over a pothole. I pulled over and set to replacing it. It’s not an easy matter any more. You have to take the wheel out, take on side of the tyre off then the other side and remove the tyre completely to be able to take out the long stem of the inner tube valve. I did it. Then reversed the procedure, even harder as you have to get the last bit of tyre on using just your hands as the tyre lever could pinch and pop the new tube. I put it back in the frame, went to pump it up, then realised I’d put the old tube back in. *sobs*
Start again. I got the new tube in, put it back in the frame, went to pump it up, and it was the wrong valve. I had a pack of two spare inner tubes with me, both of them short valves. By short I mean ‘normal’ sized valves. Modern wheels have deep set rims, so you need extra long valves. I couldn’t even get the pump on these ones.
So I had to walk back 4 or 5 miles to the local specialist bike shop, in cleated cycling shoes. These have the cleat thing (the locking mechanism to attach your shoes to the pedals) under the balls of your feet. This means you are walking on your heels with your toes pointing up. Exactly the position those ‘natural running’ trainers made you assume. The same trainers that laid me up for six months.
I could feel my legs pulling as I was walking but, other than going barefoot, I couldn’t see and option. I got some proper tubes and rode home. By this time the weather had turned and I’d lost the will to live. I decided just to do the run to end of the canal (at the bridge at St Helens) and back. About 13 or 14 miles. I set off at a steady, quite reasonable, pace. I was within about 3 or 4 minutes of the bridge when my calf started to really hurt. Well, the bit below my calf. Where I was injured that time. Oh dear, oh dear.
I was almost exactly half way into the run, wet (it had started raining) and would have soon been very cold if I’d have tried to hobble home. I tried to stretch off, to no avail, then decided I had no choice but to carry on running. That was unpleasant. And worrying. All the time I was thinking if that is my tendon gone again I’m making it worse. I could be out of action for the rest of the year.
I’ve rested it for the rest of the week. I’ll try a short run in bit. Fingers crossed. It’s not hurting in the day to day walking about.
On Thursday I was back at Iceland. I had a bit of a panic attack when I got the text on Wednesday, worrying about what one of the drivers had said about a store that was really tight and you had to blind side reverse into it. It sounded awful. I needn’t have worried. I got one much, much worse.
It’s under the Golden Square in Warrington. It’s marked as a ‘red route’ and it’s bloody horrible. It took me about 4 or 5 attempts to get it in. And then I had to have someone watching my back end.
It was like the picture-perfect rendering above. Two bollards at the front stopping you from swinging the cab wide, a barrier on the blind side entrance and one on the driver side (which you can’t see as soon as you start to turn in.) To add to the fun the trailer had steering rear wheels which I’ve never encountered before. Normally you pivot around the middle wheel at the back of the trailer. You get that level with your turning point then throw the cab around. If you do it right the trailer doesn’t really move length-wise just spins around it’s pivot. Not so with the steering jobby. You line it up, put on hard lock and the trailer tries to drive into the barrier. Goddamn terrible. At about my third or fourth attempt (from scratch. I had to give up and drive out and try a different approach) I was actually thinking I just couldn’t do it. That I was going to have to ‘phone work and tell them.
I got it in the end. Then I had to drive to a second store in Wales. This one was again a red route. You had to stop in the middle of the main road, over a zebra crossing, take both lanes and reverse into a tight yard. But it was on the driver side. Ha! Didn’t even break a sweat after the first store. Just threw it in.
I got another blind side store on Friday, but nowhere near as bad.
Yesterday (Saturday) then sent me out in a rigid. The deliveries were that bad that an artic wouldn’t fit. I was worried. I needn’t have been, they were relatively easy deliveries. The problem was the fecking rigid. Or rather, me. I was coming up to a really tight corner so I drove right across it then went to swing hard right, as you do in an artic. There’s a crap lock in a rigid, I didn’t even get half way around. I had to back up and set it up again. Then there was the reversing. You look in your mirror and spin the wheel to get your trailer around. You don’t even think about it. I did that in the rigid but it steers like a car ie, the wrong way. I kept having to slam the brakes on before I hit something. It was nerve wracking.
I’m back at Ceva tomorrow at ungodly o’clock (0600) doing a general haulage multi-drop thing. Last time I did it I was a nervous wreck, after this week it will seem like a holiday.
Then, as soon as poss, must train. Just looked it up, I have 4 more weeks to train. SWEET BABY JESUS!
This year it is going to be done on pure grit alone. Deary me.
I don’t even know if I’ll fit into my wetsuit in my fattitude. Two things I will have to resolve today; whether my leg is OK and lardarse wetsuit fitting.
Enough of my babbling, “what of Twitter?”, you cry. This:
The DMreporter had this:
(After Nick Ross argued that all rape isn’t rape) SEX CRIME: Rape victims to be renamed rape co-conspirators in bid to counter society’s assumption that it’s always the attackers fault.
BANK HOLIDAY MADNESS: • Extremists seize control • Population ‘terrified’ • Police ‘overwhelmed’ • PM on holiday • DFS slash prices
BREAKING: English Defence League convince everyone of their point of view with violent rampage of considered arguments.
THREAT: Wedding of Pakistani lesbian couple opens floodgates for millions of gay immigrants, which are the worst kind of immigrants.
ARE YOU A TERRORIST? MI5 chief warns ‘the threat is inside’ and urges citizens to spy on themselves and report any suspicious behaviour.
ARE YOU A TERRORIST? • Do you buy the Guardian to smuggle uranium into the house. • Do you think the nudity in Homeland was “unnecessary.”
ARE YOU A TERRORIST? • Do you tick ‘other’ on surveys about religion? • Is your skin is darker than Pantone 19-0922? • Do you vote Labour?
CONSPIRACY: British police PROTECT hate preachers and paedophiles instead of letting PATRIOTIC mobs tear them apart – an investigation.
NUCLEAR THREAT: Argentinian tourist revenue in the UK soars past £100m a year, raising concerns we’re currently being very slowly invaded.
This week’s Daily Mail Cancer List: Mo) Swimming Tu) 40’s dancing We) Angora Th) Brie Fr) Chess Sa) Tight spaces Su) Dolphin brains
PROFILE: Sexism and ageism at the BBC? Tell that to TV’s newest historian who is young, a woman and also a pretty hot piece of ass.
In politics/ tory scum we had:
EDL members saying only one guy did the nazi salute and it would be wrong to blame them all. Oh the irony. #couldnotmakeitup
Gordon Brown has given £600,000 from speech making to charity. Not often I say this so here goes: What an extraordinarily good thing to do.
‘£37 billion for a war in Afghan … whilst kids from Birmingham to Skegness queue for food handouts in the 7th richest nation on Earth..’
That’s Lee Rigby’s family, his regiment and Help For Heroes who want nothing to do with #EDL. Who the fuck are they claiming to represent?
UKIPtips subsection:
Goldie Hawn is an American actress with no links to any Greek far right movements you may have seen on Channel 4 News.
The ‘Muslim World’ is not an actual place. It is not possible to deport people there
A mosquito is a not a Mexican jihadist
A solar eclipse occurs when the moon passes between the sun and the earth and is not due to immigrants devouring the sun.
General tweets were as varied as ever:
You’re only limited by your own imagination! And money. And talent. And genetics. And time. And other people. Go for it!
Every time they shout "Fruit toast" from the counter in Starbucks, stand up, raise your cup and say "Gentlemen, to homosexuals, hoorah!".
SAYING pull my finger then shitting yourself adds a hilarious new dimension to a rather tiresome practical joke.
Poor newspaper layout of the day…
Chap representing himself has just referenced the American constitution and pulled a fist pump at the judge. Not sure that’s going to help
How to float 1: Pour some water on the ground. 2: Step away from water. 3: Take a photo.
A Hitler Fried Chicken shop in Thailand. I kid you not. Complete with pic of Hitler in bow tie
For those of you keeping score at home: burning poppies = arrested. Sieg heiling and shouting racist abuse = not arrested.
HR solicited feedback for the boss’s performance review, so if anyone knows a constructive way of saying "worthless shithead", let me know.
Lord Justice Ward ‘This case involves a number of, and here I must not fall into Dr Spooner’s error, warring bankers’
RUKEY: (outside bank) Oboy.Youm can Do thise! Oboy . (enters through revolving door) (exits through revolving door) Stile outsied.Trye again
"We cant even fly our own flag any more" Translation: I have six in my front garden and four on my car. #RightwingDictionary
Top tip: deter burglars by chalking the outline of a person on your hallway floor.
give a man a meat loaf, & he’ll eat for a day. Give a man MeatLoaf & he won’t do that.
if you’re transphobic and want to know why i’m trans: i did it to upset you, personally
Guys, is there some kind of consultation group made up of white male experts who we can contact to check if stuff is racist and sexist?
PlioceneBloke had: Forage crab. Massive nip. Big try of throw crab away. Crab stuck. Nip scream. Splash panic. Sink. Forage seaweed instead.
Massive facepink of burn sunshine. Suspect magic.
Twitter not invent yet, or Friday. So just effeff small hedgehog for now.
“So Louise Mensch has written a blog on feminism & privilege checking. Tell us your thoughts” I’d rather staple my cock to an angry bear.
Twitter updates:
Would her voice be the same if she wasn’t fat? Being fat isn’t a talent. #BGT << *crosses another skill off CV*
I’d think there are some great deals on BBQs out there right now. *watches Duck float past window*
So awkward when you offer your seat to a pregnant lady and then she’s not pregnant, not a lady and it’s your reflection in the window.
TWENTY invaluable job interview tips:
Once you’ve made it through to the interview stage in your job hunt, then you’ll probably feel pleased, even a bit excited. You’ll want to do your best to impress your future employers and show them you’re the right person for the job.
There can be so much to think about, so here’s some handy pointers to set you on the path to interview success.
1. When asked what your weaknesses are, say Ryan Gosling. It’ll break the ice. Then say ‘persistent lateness’ or something.
2. Bring a box to the interview, point at it and say “I do all my thinking outside of that.” Then open some champagne.
3. Tattoo your limitations down one arm. Interviewers admire honesty.
4. When asked if you want anything to drink, say “Just a glass of job please!” Then laugh for 15 minutes. No less.
5. When shown to the interview room, walk further up the corridor & say “I always go the extra mile!” Then click your heels.
6. Show you give 110% by pouring 10% too much water into your glass. Smile knowingly.
7. Wear a sock puppet on one hand, make it whisper in your ear and say “What’s that, Mr Wuzzles? I seem ideal for the job?”
8. Loosen your tie as you enter & say “Phew! Is it me or did it get 100% more dynamic in here?” Then reverse high five them.
9. When they ask if you got here all right, reply “I always succeed in getting to where I’m going” then punch a nearby door.
10. Tell them you won’t need a lunch hour because you’re powered by results. Then make a powerboat noise for about 8 minutes.
11. Unbutton your shirt to reveal a Superman ‘S’ & say “Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it’s increased productivity!”
12. Dress as an American footballer to show you’re a team player. And have ‘Sustained Growth’ written on your football.
13. Say “I hope to become part of the furniture here.” Then crouch into a ball pretending to be a pouffe & never move again.
14. Show you’re a fast learner by wearing an L plate round your neck & a Usain Bolt face-mask. Don’t speak. They’ll get it.
15. If they extend their hand for you to shake, enclose it in your hands and say “Look! A hand-sandwich! I need this job.
16. When asked where you see yourself in 5 years, say “owner of a B&B for cats” and tap your nose like you know the market.
17. Produce 2 cans of Dr Pepper & push one over to your interviewer. Then break open yours & say to them “Virgo. Am I right?”
18. Give your interviewer a hollow pork pie. Then lean back and say “That’s your company – I’m your pork.”
19. Hire a billboard across the road from the interview room that shows you wrestling a bear. Point to it occasionally.
20. When asked if YOU have a question say “Where do you see YOURSELF in 5 years’ time, nosey?” Laugh. Pass around some mints.
APPLE STORE. Avoid confusion and disappointment by changing the name of the “Genius Bar” to the “Twat Desk”.
A duck’s word for anthropomorphism is "quack".
Oh no!! Who will fly the badger planes??
Appear taller to women AND knowledgeable about nature by pointing at a stem of broccoli and saying "That’s an oak tree".
#hignfy say prince Phillip asked a Polish scientist "did you come here to pick raspberries?"
Should have replied "thought Greeks did unskilled jobs? Or is that just you?"
Things that outnumbered the BNP today: 1) Badger enthusiasts 2) People who like The Wright Way 3) Members of The Fall.
Far-Right Extremists Chased Through London by Women Dressed as Badgers – IBTimes UK
You can talk of warm beer and blitz spirit, but if pushed I’d have say Britishness is people dressed as badgers chasing off nazis. #proud
Is there an equivalent of UKIP, but for animals? ‘Cause I’d totally send back all the grey squirrels.
Well, thank you Twitter for once again saving the day.
Later,
Buck.