You might not have been able to see those link/ adverts, I can’t see them now. Turns out is was malware on my computer, not on the blog itself. Apparently the free version of Avira antivirus doesn’t protect against malware. It does a sterling, and I repeat, free job on viruses, as the name suggests, but you either have to pay for the pro or get other malware protection.
Anyway, all sorted now. I think. You can stand down from blog defcon one.
Cheers,
Buck.
Just noticed three different words have become links on my last blog. Not sure if I can undo this, but either way, I did not post them as links and unless I actually state that I have in future, please do not click on them.
Ta,
Buck.
I was listening to a classic rock radio station the other day, they were playing Bruce Springsteen’s Glory Days (I’m assuming that’s the title) and it set me to musing.
The premise of the song is he meets some high school chums, one of whom was an ace school sportsman, the other was a high school hottie who’s grown older and had kids etc. Both of them just keep banging on about their glory days.
It struck me that that’s bollocks.
Here am I, just approaching my prime *coughs* and racing towards 50 (OK, I’m 47, but I’m already rounding up, mentally) and I am still striving to achieve my next goal. I’ve done more I can be proud of in my 40’s than ever. I’ve been of the beer, fags and such for 6 years, got my head around straightness and reinvented myself and my goals.
My first goal was to be able to run 1½ miles for the TA thing, so I ran 1.9 miles (by accident) first attempt. Then I thought a half marathon would be a monster achievement, did that 6 months later. Then Iron distance triathlon 9 months later, with a marathon along the way for training.
After doing that twice I thought I’d try Ultra running, I did two long runs then ‘ran’ a 50 mile race.
Now I’m going for a sub 3 hour marathon, the benchmark for marathon runners, then pushing on to win a marathon (admittedly that’s pretty damn unlikely).
Also in my 40’s I passed my car test then decided to get a job (out of manual graft) as a lorry driver. That was an ordeal but I did it and have just landed the job I’ve been after for a while.
In short, shove it up your arse, Mr Springsteen, you ain’t the boss o’ me!
I flatter myself that I did some monumentally reckless, stupid and ill-informed stuff in the past, all of which has it’s own merit, but I’m damned if I’m going to stop just because I’m old enough to know better.
And as for the assumption that a woman’s only worth is in being young and pretty..
Bah. I’m not even going to joke about that.
Again it sounds like I’m blowing my own trumpet, but it’s kind of hard to point out the achievements of which you are proud without mentioning the achievements. One of my Twitter chums changed her handle to include her Doctorate. @DrLangtry_Girl. In her bio she put “Yeah I levelled up. If you don’t like it get a PhD.” Or words to that effect. She said it better, obviously.
That’s my thinking. I’ve done some things I consider achievements, but so could anyone else. Anyway, it’s like Virgil said “here we make a virtue of necessity”. I’ve done these things because I’m straight and you have to do *something* to fill the joyless infinity of hours before the grave.
Not that I have that many free hours to fill at the moment. Work is most time-consuming. I like the long runs better, mind. It’s simple. Pick up your unit, find your trailer, drive to the place (had a nice one next to Taunton, Somerset, the other day) swop your trailer, (or whatever) drive back, job’s a good ‘un.
The local runs are more of a pain in the arse. In and out of the yard, never knowing how long you are going to work or how many runs you are going to do. Still, it pays well, even after tax and N.I. I’m on a lot more than I was. Happy days. We’ll see how it works in January, but the signs are that they’ll still need drivers.
I hope so, as this is Wendy’s last month of full sick pay, from January she’s on half pay. Still massively generous compared to any place I’ve ever worked. I think the Royal Mail gave you 4 weeks a year, nowhere else has given any. Just SSP.
I’m off tomorrow (as today) so I’ll be running Wendy into the hospital to have her MRI scan. If there are no blockages they can then decide to go ahead with surgery. It’s going to be some time in the New Year though, it seems. Ha! Wendy thought an endoscopy was the surgery, showed her the picture of an endoscope, so less than thrilled. I thought she knew.
Btw, on the subject of running, I was at my club last week. I have been twice before and went out with the middle speed group for training. The fastest of them was as fast as me, most of the time, but on the hill runs I ended up lapping some backmarkers. This is not what I need to push myself. I was a bit scared of going for the fast group as I thought they’d make mince meat of me. Anyway they were one group leader down for the middle group, so they had too many people, they asked if anyone would like to train with the fast group instead. I took it as my cue and went for it. I was in the top 4 of that group. I ‘won’ one of the 1 minute sprints (2 minute recovery jog, and repeat).
Then on the jog back to the gym from which we started I was talking about wanting to build speed for a marathon. Some other chap butted in, asked me about my times and target, then said I should aim for a 3.15 marathon, then try faster later. Obviously I immediately vowed to redouble my efforts and get a sub 3.
(Day after. Tuesday)
I’ve changed my strategy, yet again. If I can maintain a 6.45 m/m pace for the full 26.2 miles, that’s 3 hours. I’m not doing their plan. I’ve set myself an hour’s run on the tready at marathon pace. After 3 miles my breathing goes to tits and I have to stop, but I’ve sussed out that if I take a few minutes breather I can carry on for at least another mile. Breather, mile.This is training my body to be tired but continue. Yesterday I started out on the new plan. I ran 3 miles, then had to take 3 minutes, ran again. I ended up doing 6½ miles (after warm up) in an hour. Today I ran 2½ miles on tired legs then had to pause. I rested my hand on the control panel and cocked the machine up. Even though I turned it off and on again it insisted on raising itself to full elevation then lowering itself fully before it would let me restart. I lost 4 minutes pissing about with that. I set back to it with a vengeance. I thought I’d best do 10.05 minutes (a mile and a half) to round it up to a mile again. After running for 4 minutes and thinking it was too easy I looked at my chart (6 m/m = 16.1 kph, the tready shows it in kph, I work in m/m) and thought I’d set it too slow. I upped the pace and battered it for another 8 minutes even though it nearly killed me, to make up for the 4 slow minutes. Then I realised I was right the first time, I’d upped it to halfway between 6 and 6½ m/m, not 6½ and 7. Balls. So I’d just run a mile and a quarter on knackered legs, second attempt, at 6.15 m/m pace. Ace.
Anyway, pause/run, I managed 7¼ miles. That was with losing a few minutes to the tready and cocking my pacing up. My plan is to go as long as I can in the first run, take a break then run again. Quickly adjust to the pace and breathing, take shorter breaks and longer sessions until I’m good for a solid hour. When I can do an hour I can extend it. By then my legs and breathing should have adjusted. I’ve got the stamina for going long, I just need the speed.
Wendy went for her MRI today. No dramas. The receptionist said they’d send the results off to the consultant, but being so close to the hols, it would probably be new year before Wendy hears anything. Then it will be just another appointment with the consultant. If the MRI was clear, then he can arrange a date for surgery. If not it’s an endoscopy and showing things down to clear the obstructions first. Possibly another wait for a confirmation MRI, another appointment, then surgery. It’s bloody long winded. Poor sausage.
Work have just texted me, I’m back in tomorrow at 1300. This means a good lie-in (had to be up early to go to the hospital today) and chance for another hour on the tready before work. It’s too damned noisy to use except in the middle of the day. If I could do an hour a day though I reckon I’d soon batter this challenge. My mistake before, I now think, was trying to do 3 mad fast miles, not achieving it, then stopping. And just doing long, moderate runs. Fast enough, and keep going after each stop. That should turn defeat into progress.
Hopefully, after the xmas rush, I’ll be able to set my start time at work. If I can do an early start then I should be able to do an hour a day, most days.
I am going to crack 3 hours in April if it kills me.
Anyway, enough of my waffling, let’s see what delights the Twittersphere has to offer:
The DMreporter had:
NIGEL FARAGE: “Rest in peace Nelson Mandela – political prisoner, freedom fighter, president of Bongo Bongo Land.”
CAMERON: “Maggie didn’t mean ‘terrorist’ like that. She meant it in a ‘revolutionary hero, inspiration to us all’ kind of way.”
ED BALLS: “Nelson Mandela.”
NICK CLEGG: “…and I’m here too.”
FINANANCE: 2nd Computer glitch sees Natwest and RBS empty customers bank accounts again. A spokesman said “don’t fuck with us, bitches.”
CELEBRITY: “I am Cliff Richard’s secret son” says man. Who wants to be the first to tell him?
In politics/ tory scum we had:
Osborne confirms 2018 target for complete removal of empathy for poor and disabled #autumnstatement
There’s something gruesomely fascinating about watching a millionaire with his hand in the till tell everyone else to be poorer. #AS2013
"I’ve noticed that you might live a little longer. I’ve decided to celebrate this fact by making you work for that extra bit of time."
IFS questions Labour’s claim on working people being £1,600 worse off under Cameron. Concludes it is "not misleading" http://www.ifs.org.uk/budgets/as2013/as2013_david.pdf …
"I’ve never voted Tory before but…
I’m sad to say that at my NHS practice if we have a patient who has unexplained symptoms, we have started asking if they can afford to eat
BBC News – Most people classed as being in poverty ‘have job’ http://bbc.in/18LOyjq
The MPS pay rise of £7,600 is more than double what we give an unemployed adult to live on for a year
MPs pay rise 11% http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-25287108 … after they backed a welfare benefit rise of 1% http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-21136520 …
Say what you like about Michael Gove. I’ll start: he’s a twat.
Weekly income after tax: MP: £1015 FT firefighter: £367 FT living wage: £259 FT min wage: £227 Income support: £71 All in it together…?
In 1977 MPs earnings were nearly £3000 more than nurses. Today MPs earnings are £45,000 more than nurses.
MPs wages should be paid pegged at a ratio of the minimum wage – that way any MP pay rise would also be linked to any min wage rise.
Our MPs need an 11% pay rise to stop them committing expenses fraud Apparently. Whilst unemployed risk jail and lose their homes. #newsnight
Parliament has the power to freeze the pay of the whole public sector including teachers, soldiers and the whole NHS but not MPs. Funny that
in the austerity years after WWII, the welfare state was created, new homes were built, NHS started. Tories against it then and now
Perhaps we could try making our politicians as inspiring and selfless as Nelson Mandela by imprisoning them for 27 years.
£40m written off in computing costs for implementing UK welfare scheme Universal Credit – @DWPgovuk‘s IDS confirms http://bbc.in/J7tnN9
£40 million! Written off! AND THEY CUT BENEFITS scum of the earth
George Osborne’s claim that households are better off is ‘inconceivable’, says independent financial watchdog http://fw.to/ebWhkpW
THE REAL REASON FOR AUSTERITY. The corrupt thinking behind the Cameron Governments austerity policies.
IDS ignores only 0.7% of DWP budget defrauded(errors 1.3%) because doesn’t fit nasty agenda. HMRC would kill for those stats
And favest of faves, General:
A bit of a Nigella theme still:
"I did not have a drug problem," she told the court. "I had a life problem." SAY NO TO LIFE KIDS
‘Kin ‘ell. She’s changed her tune an’t she
(To which someone wittily replied: “Fake!”)
How’s this for a response to a complaint? Bravo:
When someone demands "Do you love this country?" the accurate answer is almost always "I love the parts you’re trying to destroy"
Hate being on this motorway. Really windy and rainy. Stressing me out telling my chap how to drive
Mrs worried I’m going to die, as a lorry diver already has today. Told her it’s rare, once in a lifetime in fact.
There are two types of person in the world: people who love Sepp Blatter and people who aren’t Sepp Blatter.
Nelson Mandella was the obvious other theme for the week;
In 1986 during Apartheid, the city of Glasgow invented trolling by renaming the street in front of the SA Consultate "Nelson Mandela Place."
Me: It’s very sad, Nelson Mandela is dead. Charlotte (age 6): Was he a very *good* footballer?
From the archives: A group of UK Mandela supporters discuss approaches to combating apartheid.
Miliband reminds MPs Mandela went to Labour(not Con or Lib Dem) conference. Called himself unemployed pensioner with criminal record!
Just made myself giggle by whispering "don’t cross the streams!" as I squirted bleach into the sink. I’m so alone
Pulling an industrial carpet cleaner through Wandsworth, like a shoot for a really low-budget remake of No Country For Old Men.
This is still my new favourite cat photo
Watching Graham Norton & not expecting to see Cliff Richard. I feel violated
Christmas: Where western Christians celebrate a Jewish dudes birthday under a Pagan tree by receiving gifts from a fat German trespasser
Guardian saying post Mandella Right whitewashing historical support of racial segregation. #DontMentionIsrael
Netanyahu says going to Mandela memorial too expensive
I’ve become momentarily interested in the positioning of eggs in supermarkets and convenience stores. There are no rules for this.
I frequently find myself wandering around thinking “where are the fucking eggs?”
Obama caught in a big lie:
Obama disagrees w/Pope on birth control. GOP: "WAR ON RELIGION!" Obama agrees w/Pope on income inequality. GOP: "THEY’RE SOCIALISTS!"
Not only did Obama shake Castro’s hand, lip readers confirmed that he whispered: "our socialist takeover of the US is complete *evil laugh*"
Iggy Pop’s full name is Iguana Popadopoulos.
You’ve got to love Yorkshire…..
Edward Snowden voted Guardian person of the year 2013
1: Connect sewing machine to polygraph test 2: Lie repeatedly 3: Describe new jumper as a fabric of lies 4: Laugh forever
Four stars. ‘MURDOCH IS EVIL’ message appears in kids puzzle page of @RupertMurdoch‘s Sunday Telegraph
Charlize is sitting beside Bono. Her face says it all.
Well, I got the lights put up.
Saw this image of London as it would have looked if the Thames barrier wasn’t in place for last week’s floods;
I suggested we scrap the barrier and leave London to ‘managed decline’. Oh sorry, that only works for Northern towns.
And with that shock revelation,
toodles,
Buck.
I’ve finally taken the plunge. I don’t know if you remember I was looking at driving for Hermes 2 years ago. I went for the interview but was too nervous on the assessment. At the time I really wanted the job; straight trunking, no messing with the load, there and back, job’s a good ‘un. It was £9.75 ish then time and a third after 8 hours. Supposed to be the easiest driving job going.
Anyway, after the last time Ceva got rid of me (a few weeks ago) I kept my eyes open for Hermes jobs. A different agency to mine advertised the job so I applied. Ceva found me a different job and I’ve been doing 4 days a week doing crappy local deliveries of unstable loads of newspapers and magazines. Typically the new agency announced that Hermes were having an induction on one of my working days.
I was considering blagging the agency, so I could check out Hermes but then I realised I’d have to use my digicard in any driving assessment so Ceva would know what I’d been doing. Bugger.
Called the agency and told them I wouldn’t be available. You’ll recall I am a ‘self-employed sub-contractor’ when it suits, ie, I am my own boss in theory, so it’s up to me when I want to work.
Ha!
Got loads of attitude. First off “Why can’t you work tomorrow?” (None of your damn business, see ‘self-employed’ dickhead!) Quick backtrack when I said I was trying for another job.
Then he rang his boss, who called me.
“I thought you were happy at Ceva? They’ve tried really hard to find you work, etc” The job needed doing, I was just someone they could trust to do it. I’ve been there nearly two years and I’m still a de facto agency worker, I’ve been binned three or four times. The deal is solely in their favour.
“Who are you working for? Is it through another agency? They are just taking you on for xmas, you’ll be binned in new year. How long is the induction? Why are you not getting paid for it?”
I said that I did that 8+ hours induction at Iceland on the understanding I would get paid for it, not got a penny. *bluster, bluster* “Yes you did, errr, I’ll check it out and get back to you tomorrow.” I didn’t. He hasn’t.
So that was all fun and games before I’d even been to the induction. I turned up at 11.30 as per agency instructions, sat around for a bit, then the HR woman (Paula) showed up. I said I was early. She agreed. “The induction’s not until 14.30. Come back later. Btw, can you drive tonight?” Errrr, ok.
Back home, try again later.
Second time I went and did the induction. They’ve changed the criteria and the process. It used to be ‘driving license, some experience’ and a driving assessment. Now it’s two years driving experience and being buddied up for a day with an existing driver. They show you the ropes and presumably give a quiet word on whether you’re up to scratch.
I was OK on the induction, I got home, and Paula rang me, “You’ve driven before, right? Good, can you start tomorrow?”
No buddy, here’s the keys, get on with it. Suits me.
I rang my old agency after the induction, btw, to tell them the score. I asked if they wanted me to finish the week at Ceva. “No. They don’t want you back.” *sigh* Divas.
My first day was just doing local runs from Appleton Warrington to the new base (that is not quite operational yet) at Burtonwood Warrington. This is something else in this job’s favour. They are moving into the new base in March. It’s across the motorway from Ikea/ other side of the slip from the services. Which is to say, just under 2½ miles from our house! Epic win!
My second day was a run to Crewe and back, then Sheffield and back. Easy life.
Sunday they wanted me in at 1630. Bah. Not keen but I want to keep my head above the parapet so when the January lull starts I am at the top of the list. They assure me that there is no lull in their operation and they can keep me in work, but it does no harm. I got in and they gave me the paperwork.
Maidstone.
In Kent.
The far side of London.
234 miles.
In a truck that does 54 mph.
When you’ve only got 4½ hours driving time by law.
OK, no pressure.
You have a spare hour by law, but after 4½ hours you have to take a 45 minute break. They wanted me there by 2200. I got my truck, found my trailer and set off by 1710. The M6 was slow for the first 4 or 5 junctions, but I thought I might just scrape in. Then some Southern crashy bastards closed the M1. Ace. It took me nearly an hour to do 2 miles. Then I had to take my break. I didn’t get in to Maidstone until 2355. Then I had to take another 45 minutes break to clear the clock for a desperate race back. I started off at 0105 on Sunday night/ Monday morning (no traffic at all) went through the Dartford toll and the M6 toll to keep it as quick as possible and made it back in 4 hours 26.
Bloody hell, I hope I don’t get that run too often. I was talking to another driver before I left the yard, he said he’d done it twice and both times had run out of hours and had needed rescuing.
All in all it meant I got to bed at 0815 on Monday, then I woke up 4½ hours later feeling like death. I spent the rest of the day doing a thousand yard stare and waiting for bedtime. That was my day off. Today I’m off again and can actually enjoy it.
The other thing with this job, I’m back on PAYE! Holiday pay, no need for an accountant, paying my taxes like a good Socialist.
I was talking to a driver at the induction, he has his own truck, he was saying as self-employed I should pay £80 and turn myself into a limited company, that way the first £34K is tax deductible, or something. The Ltd Co (BucktheTruck Ltd) makes the money, then pays me, the director, a wage that is a tax break, after paying me, the shareholder, a tax deductible dividend. Not sure how it works, but it seems that taxes are optional for even the poorer tory bastard.
This leaves me with the moral quandary: do I want more money or to pay tax? Obviously no-one wants to pay tax, but as a good Socialist I have to recognise that that there are shitloads of people who are worse off than me who need the state’s safety net, and someone has to pay for it. Look at Wendy’s ongoing drain on the NHS coffers. She’s a productive and worthy contributor to the state and society in her work, but we would be totally screwed if we had to pay for her MRI and surgery. You could cite the American system of private health insurance, but apparently they won’t insure people with pre-existing medical conditions.
In other words, do I do what’s right or what’s profitable?
For now at least I’m happy to do what’s right, but the temptation is there.
I joined that running club, btw. I thought I’d already mentioned that. I’ll have to have a look to see if a blog entry has got saved to drafts instead of published.
Anyway, assuming it got lost, running club.
I finally got to go 3 weeks ago. (I’m sure I’ve blogged since then, where is it?)
They had us doing silly warm up exercises, skipping and such, I felt my tendon tightening straight away, the one that buggered up when I tried to swap to those natural running trainers. Worrying. Then we were doing sprint intervals. I put myself in the middle ability group. I don’t think they are going to stretch me, tbh.
The first week I wasn’t sure, the second week we were doing hill sprints. I ended up lapping some of the back markers, then leading the field. This is not what I want, I want to be struggling to match my betters. Again, it’s about pushing the envelope of what’s comfortable. A point of note, I’ve done a 50 mile race and limped away without injury. I did the first night with my running club and got ‘runner’s knee’. Which is a pain in the side of the knee, usually caused by over-training, over-pronation and/ or hill work. Typical.
Also (again), I’ve found myself sounding like a bragger. I just assumed in a running club everyone would be full-on runners. Some guys were talking about a hilly 10k run, so I asked if they’d done the Bolton Hill Marathon. Frosty “no”.
It seems the level seems to be about half marathon from the few race t-shirts. I honestly didn’t think a marathon was a big deal, it’s just running. That is what you expect people at run clubs to do. It’s kind of their raison d’etre.
I always think that if I can do it, any able bodied person can. I am constantly surprised that people haven’t done so, better. I’m just a fat old duffer who has a bit of grit.
Partly that’s because of Twitter. There you get to meet people who are fanatics and who would shame me at any race. I no longer think the achievement is in completing any given distance, it’s the getting a good time that is impressive. I can see, thinking about it, how that would piss someone off if they were killing themselves trying to complete a 10k.
However, my glorious plans are shattering like china before the onslaught of the bull of reality. I’ve still not managed the 3 miles at 6 m/m. And my training is getting more infrequent with this new gig. It might be partly the stress of the transition, and the getting up at 0455, but I’ve had nothing in me at night.
Just got a text, back in work tomorrow, 1200. Not ideal, but at least I won’t be knackered.
Had a quick break and tried to do a fast 3 miles. Well, fast for me, to equal my PB time for the distance, 6.15 m/m. I managed 7.44 minutes then cracked like an egg. Shockingly bad. I think it must be down to mental toughness. My pulse was 163, my legs were OK, my breathing was ragged and I was dying from the heat in the house, but I think physically I could have carried on. It’s just down to me listening to the voice that is screaming “STOP, FFS!” I have to ignore it and man up.
Whilst in the shower I’ve formulated a new plan. I’m going to set it at 6.30 and do a minimum of 5 miles, more if possible. Then keep upping the distance. If I can run 10 miles at 6.30, surely I can do 3 at 6.00. Also, this is the one thing that is holding up my training plan, getting the 3 miles at 6 m/m. If I can run a consistent marathon at 6.30 that would be 2.50:18, which would be better than awesome.
Right, can’t wait to get stuck into that. I have my running club tonight, so it will have to wait, but that doesn’t seem as downright impossible as the 3x 6 m/m is proving. I did the beastly training run off the schedule, 10 minutes warm up, 3 minutes rest, (1 mile sprint, 3 min rest) x 4 , 10 minute warm down. I thought it was going to be hellish. How wrong I was. Hell is where you go for your holidays after that.
I managed some reasonable times though, about 6.18 –6.28. I thought my watch automatically paused when you did, turns out that’s an opt-in feature. So my figures were taken from the graph it provides online, hence a bit rough. It was taking the 3 minutes rests into my m/m times. One thing that made me laugh, heart rate peaked at 189 bpm, or 102% of max. No lack of effort, but a serious maths fail.
Yes, that’s the way forward. I can manage 6.30 m/m, build up the distance at that pace, try and slot in what training I can from the plan around it. And aim for a 20+ mile run each weekend.
Watch this space for boring details.
Wendy is in for her MRI next Tuesday. So it’s going to be the New Year before she gets her guts chopped out. Assuming they get their shit together and decide to operate.
Right, enough waffle, time to rob everyone else’s wit to liven my blog, hello Twitter.
As ever we start with the DMreporter:
RELIGION: ‘The Church could be extinct within a generation’ warns ex-Archbishop ‘now that Google have banned all our popular search terms…’
HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY: Suspect in slavery case has leftwing history, thus proving everything we’ve ever suspected about the socialist threat.
PRESS: Daily Mail Australia to launch in 2014. Expect extensive coverage on the plight of the bullied British ex-pat by racist natives.
BREAKING Sectarianism & Homophobia immediately cease in Glasgow as city unites against Westboro Baptist Church.
Then (boo hiss) it’s politics/ Tory scum:
The PM will host a "hunger summit" at 10 Downing Street, with African leaders, While 500,000 people are being fed by the Red Cross in the UK
If we needed a Thatcher museum the private sector would have provided one
Maggie Thatcher’s £12m mansion was registered in a tax haven to avoid inheritance tax – God she loved this country.
£1 a week off my energy bill and on my tax bill. Haven’t been so excited about a new govt policy since the cones hotline
And finally, everyone’s favourite, General:
So it’s International Men’s Day, eh? HOW COME THERE’S NO INTERNATIONAL WOMEN’S DAY?? #misandry #confused
Men’s Day, so I’m off to be manly. Mainly checking my privilege and being condescending to the little ladies. (That means to talk down to.)
due to its popularity International Men’s Day has been extended indefinitely and will be renamed "human history"
The Sun admits ‘600,000 benefit tourists’ story was ‘not accurate’ & ‘has no evidence’, prints correction (on p.2)
James Arthur isn’t homophobic, it was just part of rap dissing. Does he use racism when dissing? No. That would be racist.
No, no, no the position is all wrong. Seats too high! <<No helmet. Yoof of today.
Undeniably accurate
We’ve hired Craig David to do some interviews for us. He met this girl on Monday. She’s filed an official complaint today.
This could be my favourite lecture slide ever. If male avatars were designed like the worst female examples
Arnold Schwarzenegger taking ballet lessons, c. 1977
Facebook eejits.
I’m still rubbish at Venn diagrams. I really don’t get them. :/
#VIRGO: People should know how you feel. And considering that actions speak louder than words, KILL THEM! KILL THEM ALL!
Top tip for newspaper hacks, save money on expensive ink by replacing "killer snowrmageddon death freeze" with "winter". You’re welcome.
Look, my problem with the rich, is they cluster in little communities, won’t integrate & expect us to adapt to their customs.
“If you are the smartest person in the room, you are in the wrong room"
Asked on live malaysian TV what I thought about terrorism. Told them at length. Later realised they’d asked me about tourism.
In loud German bar, German asks "Do you like the Fuhrer?" I did finger mustache and salute, "The Fuhrer?" "THE CURE." (Band) *dies*
Ladies, beware of carrying your beige coloured neck pillow in an unflattering manner
I’d suggest that a good time for Scottish people to decide how the Union is working for them is while they’re freezing to death this winter
Unfortunate typo of the day..
Relationship status… Hugging the radiator
if my dad was Nigel Lawson and I was married to Charles Saatchi, I’d eat ketamine for breakfast
My cat is sad because he is thinking about the tough, weatherbeaten lives of 19th Century Scottish fishermen.
Energy companies see profits rise by 75% in a year. Increasing profits by pushing more and more people into poverty.
Gunners were the first professional arm of the British Army. This was no place for gentlemen amateurs.
A stunningly honest piece from an ex-friend of Ian Watkins. Remember these things apply to all sex offenders
http://blogs.sfweekly.com/shookdown/2013/11/_this_is_ian_watkins.php
Jesus. Woman on radio 2, one of the victims of the Catholic church. Slave labour, they sold her baby for US adoption… #fuckinghell
I guess my least favorite author is probably Hitler
The thing they don’t mention about GTA is you don’t HAVE to murder prostitutes (or postmen, cows etc.) You can also do yoga/buy shoes.
remember when ethnic cleansing was bad mt @RaniaKhalek Israeli govt to evict 60,000+Arab citizens to make room for Jewish only neighborhoods
This man..
RECREATE the excitement of a Grand Prix by painting a wall, watching it dry, then handing Sebastian Vettel some champagne.
I am told that death is the new forty.
Girl: Babe come see me I miss you
Me: Can’t someone broke my bike
Girl: I’m horny
Me:
Dear Santa Yeah I’ve been naughty this year and it was worth it you fat, judgemental bastard
5yo: Dad, I really really love the Smiths.
Me*wells up*: really?
5yo: ..
Me ..
5yo: ..
Me: you’re talking about the Smurfs, aren’t you.
Tom Daley has a boyfriend
Avoid the horror of your children’s bedtime, by simply using a condom 6 years before it’s time for them to go to sleep.
And with that, toodles.
Buck.
This is another running related blog. Sorry. My life seems to go in obsessive spurts in one direction, followed by disinterest and active avoidance. This is one of the reasons I enter races, so I have to train.
I tried to stick to that training plan, starting last week.
It said start off with a 6 mile ‘easy’ run. I thought if I was doing a slow one I might as well up the incline on the tready. Such a mistake. Runner’s World said to train at 1% incline to simulate proper running, but then I went for a 10 mile road run (at 7.30 m/m pace) and my pulse was 153, the same as 6.30 m/m on the tready. That can’t be right.
So, slow run, put it at 2%. You wouldn’t think it would make any difference, 1%. It does. It really does.
My ankles and shins were really sore and my muscles had set the next day. That kind of buggered me up for the week. That was on Monday, but I determined to go through with my plan to join a running club, meeting on Tuesday.
Whadda ya know? I braced myself (I was nervous about going, after all) girded my loins and drove to Birchwood. I was there, 3 other confused runners were there, the club was not. The others seemed to think the club had met up somewhere else. Ace.
I determined to go to the next session then, 1845 on Thursday. Work went tits up and I didn’t get home until 1900. The gods mock me. Again.
No worries, the hold weekend meets. Saturday I was working, so I determined to do the Sunday run. I looked on the website on Saturday night, Sunday runs: times and locations to be confirmed at Thursday session.
*death from headdesk*
So I’ve still not joined. Or done a run with them.
After a few days rest I determined to batter my 3 mile PB yesterday. I did that 6.15 m/m with energy to spare. Yesterday was going to be the day. 6 m/m. A landmark. A line in the sand. This far and only further.
I crashed and burned after 5 minutes.
Balls.
My pulse was 163, my breathing wouldn’t settle into a rhythm and my mental toughness wasn’t there. I was looking at the clock ‘I’ve only done 4 minutes, I can’t do another 14 like this. I’ve got to stop’. Once you weaken and start thinking like that you’ve had it. You have to embrace the pain, grit your teeth and soldier on.
I was that disgusted with myself I changed into my outdoors running kit, complete with my super-duper gps watch, and went for a 20 mile run.
It is different outside. Cold, which is good. With mile markers, so you are running to the next landmark, not for the next 2 hours. I know the mile markers for the first 5 miles, ie for my 10 mile run, after that it’s just ‘I’ve been running this long, I must be about… that means I’ve got an hour and a half to run’. With my lovely, lovely watch it automatically buzzes every ‘lap’ (mile, by default) and gives you your lap time. So instead of an hour and a half I had lots of lovely do-able miles, each trying not to let myself down.
I was buzzing after that run. The watch was ace, I did 20 miles, with hills, and the point at 16 miles where I used to whimper in relief seeing Winwick church steeple hove into view (and knowing I was getting back towards civilisation) was just another mile.
I averaged at slightly under 8 m/m pace. Not too shabby, with hills. I was surprised after flat, relatively short runs on the tready.
Today I started again. 6 miles ‘easy’ ran it at 8 m/m. My pulse was 143, so not overdoing it, but it was so hard. I was sweating like a bee-hatch and really had to show some resolve to not slow it down or stop. I did it though. It got easier after 3 miles.
In other news, Wendy went for her appointment with the consultant. Finally.
He gave her another ultrasound and some other tests and said she has some liver complications. He thinks one of the gall stones may be stuck in a duct. He can’t authorise surgery until he’s sure, so he’s ordered the next available MMR scan. Wendy was talking to someone else she knows who’s had it (seems to be a chick disease, everyone’s had their gall bladder removed!) and she reckons if there is a blockage they have to do an endoscopy and clear the passage before they can operate. Nice.
Wendy’s poorly cousin, who’s a NHS veteran reckons it will be after xmas before they operate now.
I applied with the Manc agency for that job on my doorstep. Not heard anything about it yet, but I see they have built the new distribution depot about 2½ miles from our house. No trucks there yet, but it looks mostly done. That’s the job for me.
Tomorrow I try again to join my run club. I think I’ll do my training programme as well (warm up, 4 x 1 mile sprint, warm down). It will make the night training harder, but what the hey?
Anyway here, to pull me out of the crap, is Twitter;
DMreporter had
IMMUGATION: “A spectacular mistake” – Jack Straw admits Labour got it wrong, but is it too late to pitchfork the brown-skins back home?
ROMANCE: Poor people have cheap wedding because they’re poor. Look at them. Aaah. Bless. They’re so poor. Hahahahahahahahahahaha. Poor.
ROMA MIGRANT FACTS: • They sell babies • They eat dogs • They poo in the street • They hate Jesus • They can fly • One word: benefits
This week’s Daily Mail Cancer List: Mo) Yeast Tu) Pillows We) Value brands Th) Helium Fr) Romance Sa) Brevity Su) NHS cancer treatment
HEALTH: Brits ditch ‘dangerous’ NHS to use EU hospitals. <SEND> SCUM: Revealed – EU citizens ‘bleeding NHS dry’ with health tourism.
Politics/ tory scum was rife:
Hmmm why do we think @Jeremy_Hunt might be trying to pass a law which allows him to close hospitals without asking the public? #saveourNHS
A year’s income on JSA of £3,692 is "too generous". Heating bills claimed on expenses by one millionaire MP? £5,822 #ShareTheFacts
Chancellor announces extra cold weather payments for Tory MPs’ horses; http://wp.me/p1U04a-5BP
8,210 convicted of benefit fraud in 2010/11. 365 sent to jail. But Tory MPs like Nadine Dorris and Nadhim Zahawi need only apologise.
CAMERON. Speaks to City Fat Cats at the Mansion House tonight, the ones he has given huge tax cuts to. Tomorrow he defends the Bedroom Tax.
The only group of people in receipt of Housing Benefit, are landlords. Understand that before opening your mouth.
Anne Main MP Expenses: claimed 10% 2ndhome discount on her council tax even though her daughter lived there for up to 3 years. #bedroomtax
Incredible that Anne Main MP getting uppity about cancelling #bedroomtax after having been found guilty of wrongly claiming £7,100 expenses.
Tories say taxpayers shouldn’t pay for houses too big for people, so why do MPs need second homes paid for by the taxpayers #bedroomtax
Also remembering that this was an actual poster in actual real life.
Tory MP Ben Gummer voted to retain #BedroomTax but claimed £15,000 for own housing #shirker
Tory MP Brian Binley voted to retain #BedroomTax but claimed £17,793 for own housing #shirker
In case you missed this… There’s going to be in independent inquiry into #Cameron ‘s Human Rights Abuses in the UK soon! By the UN #c4news
And now specific laws to jail NHS staff – they really hate the NHS. How many bankers jailed?
This is what the #NHS was like before Lansleys chaos -Don’t delete history
‘Two companies who have given £1.5m to the Tory party now have £1.5billion in nhs contracts’ burnham on #bbcsp
Hospitals seeing spiraling number of patients suffering from malnutrition. This isn’t politics, its murder on a massive scale.
LYNTON CROSBY. So this is the man who is advising Cameron to attack the unions? Should put his own house in order.
And best till last, General:
Kristallnacht 75th anniversary, Remembrance Sunday, Philippines disaster – this weekend’s reminders that there is no god
Heat your room for 8 pence a day. http://wp.me/p2gfve-1aJ
There can be few things worse than a death threat written in Comic Sans.
#JohnLewisAdRipoffs British Gas: Bear & hare freeze to death because they can’t afford fuel this winter. Laughing man drives past in Bentley
I will be this kind of grandma in my old age…
The most powerful anti-war video – Former SAS soldier Ben Griffin – I Will NOT Fight For Queen and Country http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=53w3XoAdhJA&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3D53w3XoAdhJA&app=desktop …
If you missed it earlier, you can catch up with Radio 4’s Two Minute Silence on the iPlayer.
Let’s go to Iceland
Six weeks without twitter gave me the opportunity to spend more time with my family, and take stock of what’s really important. So I’m back.
How to tell if your dog has been caught up in a sex scandal:
There is a roundabout in Brighton called the Vogue Gyratory. I challenge anyone to find a more fabulously named roundabout.
1: Mark spot on map 2: Add note saying “If anything happens, the money’s buried here” 3: Put map in suit pocket 4: Give suit to charity shop
Just so you all know: If I get found, locked in a bag, in a bath tub. SOMEONE FUCKING KILLED ME.
I’m as serious as glandular fever when I say rhythm is a beaver.
RECREATE that freeform jazz experience by throwing a squeaky toy into a tumble dryer, then stroking your chin & nodding.
@BBCOne #britainonthefiddle. You just look plain silly now and at the behest of the political establishment.
millionaire businessman mislaid bag of cash at tory party gig – speaks of his luck changing a week later when he won a huge govt contract
#CAPRICORN: Jupiter and Mars are in the ascension of declaration and revolving around a cylindrical plane. You get run over today.
It makes me cry reading Dave’s struggle from filthy rich to mega rich, the hardships, the set backs, the inheritance.
"If you wish to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first invent the universe." – Carl Sagan
"Potatoes gonna potate."
50yrs ago today facing a screaming mob 6yr.old Ruby walked into 1st Elem.school. (1960)
Brace yourself for this: New Orleans man is in jail FOREVER for stealing a $159 jacket via @ACLU http://www.theguardian.com/world/2013/nov/13/us-prisoners-sentences-life-non-violent-crimes …
Tesco are already selling eggs, flour, sugar and lemon juice. What is it, over three months until pancake day? Fucking joke.
McFly telling stories about children in severe poverty. What is it @MsJackMonroe says? Go upstream and find out who’s pushing them in.
"@BBCNewsMagazine: Lee Harvey Oswald still has an overdue library book from Dallas public library http://bbc.in/1eVv2T5 " << The bastard!
Tom Baker’s answer when asked about his favourite memory of #DoctorWho
David Cameron has personally contributed 300,000 more children to #childreninneed since he came to power
Massive respect to man on the radio who said he’d seen "incorrect plurals on numerous internet fora".
US-UK terms explained
http://funnado.com/idiots-fighting-things/
Well I, for one, am FUCKING SHOCKED!!
21 reasons why journalism is being replaced by lists.
How to look like Batman, using your cat
Dr. Kim Plastic Surgeon – Be born again
Surprising dangers of marathon running. Be afraid. Be very afraid
runnersworld.com/fun/7-surprising-dangers-of-running-a-marathon?page=single …
WikiLeaks war dairies: US army detains 8 donkies smugging 38,000 cigarettes to #Syria
I don’t reckon the donkey’s were responsible. I think they were just drugs mules. *gets coat*
"And outside you have this bijou garden" We call that a back yard in Yorkshire #ETTC
Oh, right. Tory Police Commissioner wants to put unemployed families into camps. That sounds familiar.
EXTREME WEATHER WARNING! Tonight for the first time just about half past ten. For the first time in history it’s gonna start raining men
So what if I’m stood in bargain booze in my dressing gown & crying!! Keep your questions & judgement to yourself & sell me the fucking gin
@tweetofgod had: You don’t think, therefore I am.
US Govt Says CIA Black Site Prisoners’ Memory Of Their Own Torture Is Classified http://bit.ly/1bV4pss
Centraal Beheer (A Dutch insurance company)
Guess that was going for the ‘shit happens’ angle. I like it.
And finally laugh out loud funny kitten pic:
Just me laughing? Oh. Cracks me up. Honking great head, titchy body.
Later,
Buck.