THE GOOD BUCK

I’ve had some anxiety and some tiredness since my last blog but nothing to write home about.

I did an easy 8 mile run yesterday and today set out for a half marathon to set a starting distance for my weekly Long Slow Run (LSR) today. Wendy needed to go and get bloods done and was looking very washed out so I thought I’d go with her. That meant I had to set off a nippy pace. I did an 8.05 first mile which was a bit too fast for a foundational LSR, then got a bit faster,7.55 7.40s, then a few 7.30s. That’s way fast for me for a LSR, especially as I’m just returning to training. I looked at my time at 9 miles to see what it would take to get a sub 1.40. Roughly sub 7.30. I nearly killed myself 7.18, 7.23, 7.21, 7.21 but I scraped it in at 1.39:58. I’ll take that. 10 minutes off my best, but I didn’t set out to run fast. It was supposed to be LSR. And I put the maximum effort in at the point where I was wanting to slow down, so good effort. When I got back Wendy insisted on going on her own after all. So that was unnecessarily hard for nothing. I don’t appear to have done any physical damage and I’ve not triggered any long covid (so far), so it’s all good. Now I have to get a plan and stick with it. Gradual, carefully planned gains are better than stupid, impromptu flat out efforts.

I’m still struggling a bit to find motivation to do my bike. I had two proper jobs left to do on the Harley. Fix the grinding/ refusal to go from neutral to first gear and sort the ‘needs choke to run’ problem.

It’s only 3 days since my last blog, but bloody hell!

After that sudden bout of long covid smashed me halfway through my last blog I’ve had two terrible days. So much anxiety. It felt like I was barely holding back a full blown panic attack. I had to settle back into long disused management techniques. Just think about the next 30 seconds, break everything down into the next immediate task, accept overwhelming fear and keep on keeping on. Then I was getting bouts of weakness so bad I didn’t think I could walk from my truck to the office. And through it all was the mental fog, the complete absence of drive or enthusiasm. I didn’t really notice the last until today when it lifted and suddenly I was “Next job! Next job!” All fired up and keen to crack on, back to my usual restless and obsessive self. It was such a joy it’s hard to describe. I teared up at one point.

The anxiety was so bad I’d started to think I’d gone loony again and it was going to an ongoing thing I was just going to have to accept. So the relief today was incredible. Even if it smacks me again tomorrow I can remember it’s just slamming me in bouts, it’s not necessarily permanent.

I think I’ve got long covid again. I was hoping it was just a difficult, slow, recovery, but some days are fine, some hours are fine, and I think I’m imagining it, then it hits again. That’s a very covid feeling.

I am lacking in mojo, and I’m not getting frantic from doing nothing. That in itself is a worrying sign. Usually I’m either obsessing over bikes, running, or doing dozens of jobs while I avoid doing the thing I should be doing. I had 4 days off last weekend and didn’t touch my bike. Yesterday was my day off, my parts have arrived for the Harley and still I did nothing. Admittedly I woke up with a crap headache that just got worse, but I just couldn’t face doing anything. When the headache finally cleared (about 19.00) I felt so (relatively) good that I cleaned the bathroom so I wouldn’t feel the day was a total waste. That left me feeling weak and knackered.

Today I got up, walked to the shop, then sat in the kitchen feeling wasted and wanting to go back to bed.

In a manner no way typical of me I realised I had a few hours before I started my shift to register our flight details and print off the boarding passes as I was finishing at midnight, up early and out for the airport by 08.45 the next morning. That was a flap. Then it wouldn’t let me print off the return flight boarding pass so I had to download and register with the app to get an electronic boarding pass. I’d run out of time so I had to do that at work. I got it all sorted. Just. Then midnight finish, 01.30 before I got to sleep, up at 07.00, not the best of starts to the day.

We got to the airport and, because we’ve always stowed our bags in the hold, had no idea about the restrictions for carry on goods. Wendy had her perfume, hairspray and such stolen off her. We got held up as the bags were refused by the scanner for carrying liquids, etc. It was massive stress. We sat waiting for our flight, it was a bit late boarding, that’s how close we were, when Wendy came over proper poorly so we had to come home.

To be honest I was doing it more as a stressful chore I’d already paid for, than as something which I wanted to do. I’m still not feeling 100% most of the time, and if Wendy was too poorly to do her museums and art galleries and such it was just going to be a waste of time.

When I got the long bolt and improvised a way to disassemble the clutch off the bike (in the workshop manual it say “do not attempt to disassemble the clutch off the bike”, so that was nerve racking) I realised it wasn’t the clutch inner that I’d broken, but the clutch pressure plate. *blubbing intensifies*

So, £120 for clutch inner, £80 for new clutch bearing, £70 for a 6 ton press to separate then rejoin the inner and outer, and £140 for a complete clutch assembly (that I bought after panicking about the inner, and before committing to buying a press, then learning I needed a new bearing to do it) that I don’t need.

Bought the £49 clutch pressure plate. Fitted the new clutch plates, pressure plate and spring and refitted it on the bike. While I had the clutch side engine casing off I fitted my new clutch cable at the same time. Then refitted the engine casing. I fitted the clutch cable to the handlebars and tried it. Nothing. The lever was solid. I took the engine casing back off, and took the clutch mechanism apart again. Same. Reread the book. Not doing anything wrong. The clutch mechanism has a triangular piece. That fits to the bottom piece. It is three identical sides, a ball bearing in a groove on each side. Identical. But, what it doesn’t say in the book, if you twist the triangle it pulls the cable through and puts it under pressure, so when you pull the clutch lever there is movement. If you don’t twist it, it is already at it full range of motion in the direction the cable pulls it.