THE GOOD BUCK

Writing my last post I was a bit dismissive of the lunacy and I was just taking the pills to be on the safe side. I’ve had a rough ride since then. It has been bloody awful. So stressed that I’m shaking at work. I’ve been feeling so bad I just want to stay in bed, preferably asleep, all day. It’s the only time I’ve felt relaxed. I am so glad they gave me the pills. 3 weeks and I should be straight again. That’s 9 days more. Work is the worst time for it, so call it 6 more work days and I should be sane.

I’ve not done anything except work, walk to the shop, and sit at home. No runs, not worked on my Harley, I have let a local (10 miles away) bike that I had my eye on get sold without even contacting them. I couldn’t face calling them, going to see it, collecting it, anything. This evening feels like the first sane and relaxed patch for ages.

It has been bad.

I’ve gone barking mad.

The last few weeks I’ve been constantly scrolling on my ‘phone, head down, refresh, refresh, refresh, avoiding runs and bike tasks. Then I noticed I was feeling low and emotional, like I wanted to cry. Then my stomach started getting knotted up with anxiety and I had a panic attack. I realise now that the desperate fixation on my ‘phone was a distraction mechanism.

I was willing to deal with it up until the last symptom. I have the experience and the drills to deal with constant anxiety and emotional distress, but I defy anyone to accept living with panic attacks. Too horrible for words. That was over the weekend. On Tuesday, my first day off, I rang the doctors, they gave me an appointment with a real GP an hour later, and she gave me full dose loony pills. Apparently they can ease you into them with a trial of 10mg for weeks, which do nothing, then 20mg, leaving you loony for 3 months until they give you 50mg. This doctor, gawd bless ‘er, cut straight to the chase and started me on 50mg.

The last month or two, since Wendy told me I was entitled to a lump sum army pension, and I should spend it on a nice bike, I’ve been on a journey. I was desperate for a modern sports tourer, like the Triumph Tiger Sport 660 or the Yamaha Tracer 900. But I looked into the stats and it’s marginal gains over an old Honda VFR750 and multiple times the price. Then my Triumph Bonneville started acting oddly in the wet and I knew it was time to move on. I saw a one owner, 12,000 miles, 1997 VFR750 for £2,250 and another with 20,000 miles but full stainless exhaust, and I’ve been flipping back and forth between them, as to which would be the perfect bike to have for the rest of my life.

The catch was I didn’t have £2k.

I’ve spent about 2 weeks fixated on getting my perfect VFR.

That job fiasco was a fiasco. £24.95 p/h, full time, permanent. None of that was true. I decided not to risk it and instead told my current job I was available Fri- Mon inclusive instead of Thur- Sun, as I don’t seem to be getting shifts on Thursdays. Also, until January, I can work other days, apart from Tuesday. I’m trying to get some cash together to buy a spiffy VFR750. I’ve decided the only thing wrong with the VFRs I’ve had in the past is they were old and worn out. The engines were still going strong, but electrics and such. I’ve seen some advertised almost as good as new. One is 100% original, 12,000 miles, always garaged, one owner from new. That’s barely out of the box for a VFR. The downside to 100% original is the standard exhaust system. They rot through, and they don’t make the stainless steel replacement exhaust system anymore. So I’d have to keep my eye out for a second hand system. And fit a double bubble windscreen and heated grips and a rack and box. I’ve had a VFR that was about 50,000 miles and still on the original exhaust, so if there’s life in it I’d have time to look.

Then there are three others around 20,000 miles, stainless exhaust, with some other desirable goodies. One has a red screen! Ughh. And they’ve all got aftermarket endcans, which are noisier. And none of them have a rack and box. So there would be some investment whichever way I jumped. But the thing is, a £2,300 minter VFR would run until I’m too old to ride. Even if I got all four days that would only be about 35,000 miles until I retire. A 12 or 20k VFR would laugh at those miles.

I was looking at the modern alternatives. The Yamaha Tracer 900 or the Triumph Tiger Sport 660, or the new Tiger 800 but they are starting at £4, 5, and 9k. The gains are marginal. They’ve got fuel injection (OK,that’s a biggie) some are a bit lighter or a bit more power but the first two are both criticised for wind noise and buffeting from screens that just don’t work. The third is brand new this year, so real-world feedback is sparse.

I’ve not been getting many shifts at work. The last few weeks have been 2 shifts, 1 shift, 2 shifts. I think Wendy is getting worried about the money situation so I had a look for another job. I wasn’t expecting to find one, but I may have landed a beauty. The agency advertised it as £24.95 an hour, full time, permanent. Hmmm. Agencies. They said it was for a parcel distribution company and gave a postcode. I googled it, it’s a Yodel RDC, 2 stops away down the M62.

I applied on Saturday, they rang me back today (Monday) and sent me an application pack email, which I’ve filled in and returned. They said they could get me an assessment for Wednesday, start work on Thursday.

It’s 4 on, 4 off, 04.00 or 06.00 starts, doing a straight run to Glasgow and back. Around 12 hour shifts. Apart from the start times that’s about ideal. The driving involved with my current job is so tough, it feels like you are an inch from a crash at most drops. This is straight trunking. I’d know the route by the end of the first week, then just tootle up and back every day. I’ve just looked, Yodel, Glasgow looks to be less than a mile from junction 5 of the M74. So M62, on to the M6, carry on until it turns into the M74, come off at junction 5 and you’re there. Hard to make it easier.