Driving test

Guess what?

I failed.



Damn and blast! It was even the same route I took last test, I came up to that same painted island, though ‘HA!! I’ll have you this time.’ Then as I went into it, started to steer around it!

How stupid am I?

I knew what was coming, was prepared for it, and still did the reflex thing. I mounted the pavement with my trailer wheel, hit myself in the head quite hard, and called myself a fucking stupid prick.

Which, is not quite the right approach. You are told to be casual about mistakes and hope the examiner has not noticed. I feel he may have noticed that one.

After that I went to pieces a bit. I made two other (serious) mistakes. I tried to drive through a filter light when the (right turn) green arrow had gone off. I failed my rigid test on the same thing, and swore I’d never get caught out by that again. I stopped the truck, but was sure one of my instructors had said you could carry on if the arrow went off, so started off again. STOP! Red light.

(Turns out I was getting confused. The instance when you can proceed, is when the filter light goes out, but the lights are still on green. In this instance the green was for straight ahead, the right turn arrow had it’s own red light which was telling all who are not muppets not to try to turn right. Now it makes sense. Better too late than never.)

The other mistake was my perennial problem: oncoming vehicle, parked car on my side, fag papers clearance, carried on confidently.

Bad Buck!

No biker heroics allowed. If there is less than a doors width slow to a crawl, or as the examiner said; ‘I would have held back there.’

So, three stupid fail marks, all of which I have failed on before. Unbelievable.

The positives are; the other bit where I failed on that route last time I passed with flying colours. Took both lanes, made it easy for myself, and easily got through the turn. After that I got a tast for hogging both lanes and the tight turns suddenly became very do-able.

So, I have to slow it right down approaching every situation and not be a dickhead.

I just need someone of a nagging and nervous disposition to shout at me every time it looks like I’m about to kill myself and all of those around me. I don’t think Wendy is allowed on my test though.

In other news, I have been kicked out of de-kit now. I am back to being a picker (in grocery/ ambient so far) which is OK by me. I’ve only done two half days and one full day (yesterday) and already I’ve noticed they are giving out the good picks to a select few so the rest of the lads have to struggle to get there target. There is a bonus scheme, so the ones who are getting the good picks are getting up to £80 a week. Those who have the rest of the picks are struggling just to get their basic score.

Hopefully I won’t be on that shift, and hopefully they are fairer on the other one. I keep telling myself it’s not to be concerned about as it’s just temporary until I get my license. To be honest it the principle of the inequity that rankles.

I’m not after killing myself for a few quid a week (which is all I would make), but why should some people have it really easy whilst others have to graft all day just to avoid getting taken in the office for under-achievement.

Come the revolution…

The other thing to happen this week was the return of Mr Smith at Taekwondo. Apparently he used to take the classes. He has been at it twenty five years and is a fifth dan. He also teaches a class how I think it should be taught.

Nobody tried to talk over him!

Rapt, fearful silence and utter concentration.

Perhaps it is an army thing, but respect and obedience, with a healthy dollop of fear, gets shit done in my books.

Sadly I think his return was a one off. We were warming up in a wide stance, gripping the floor with our feet and tensed legs (in a style similar to Wing Chun Kung Fu) and the whole class was going through all the basic arm blocks (low, mid section and head blocks). This was warm up. I think I’ve done blocks in two or maybe three of the lessons of the last year. If he was teaching it could be a proper martial art.

By which I mean a martial art, ie a fighting technique. As it stands it is at best being taught as a sport.

When I have my new shift pattern (forgot to mention, in changing jobs I will now get every other weekend off, and usually at least one day of the weekend off each week! Woo and indeed hoo! In de-kit we got one weekend off every three weeks, and the other two weeks your days off were in the week.) I am going to check out a local Karate club. It alleges it is not a ‘sport’ form, with it’s style being recognised as about the hardest hitting in Karate. In the history blurb for the website it says that the ethos of the style is that every move has to be combat effective, based on the Samuria thinking of ‘one strike, one kill’.

All of which sounds exactly what I want from a martial art. I want to continue with the Taekwondo, just do it maybe once a week, because apart from Wushu (which is non-contact, more like gymnastics than fighting, as I understand it) no other martial art places such an emphasis on extreme flexibility and kicks. However. I really wouldn’t like to get in a street fight with it.

When you get to black belt in any martial art you are going to be able to paste Johny lager lout, but it is far too easy to slip whilst performing an otherwise sublime head kick, in which case Johny and his chums are going to have a right laugh as they kick the shit out of you. Save that shit for competitions.

So, look into this Karate club. It is right on my doorstep (Google says it 1.8 miles away!) and is hopefully a fighting art. The only factor that I am suspicious about, is after the first month (at £4 a lesson) you have to pay a monthly subscription. As I work 6-2, 2-10, it might mean I am paying double for my lessons (as I won’t be able to attend that often on 2-10). Still, we’ll have to see.

My final bit of news is my headaches are back. Had one come on yesterday afternoon, knocking me sick by tea time, and staying with me until I went to bed. Today another one has set in from about noon. Bugger.

I’ll have to look up whether migraines affect your right to hold a HGV license (in the wildly optimistic view that maybe one day I’ll pass the test) if not, go back to the doctor.

That’s all of my news, but to end on a high, they’ve finally got around to advertising that job Wendy wants (and I think she will get). April my arse! So, if all goes well, (chickens counted) she should be getting paid (for doing the job she has been doing for the last two months) from next month.

About bleeding time.

Then it’s just down to me to fulfil my part of the masterplan, and we can be as rich as Creosote (or something).

Keep on truckin’


PS, Wendy’s just got in, turns out despite Steve (the manager at Warrington CAB) promising faithfully he was going to advertise the job today (as he has been doing since April) he has not. If he’s not having an affair with you,he’s not botherered if you are getting paid or not, apparently. It took one of the volunteers to threaten leaving (she’s got a job and a family, would prefer to work for the CAB, but has got to the point where it’s either/or) before he would say it’s definitely this week. Then he still screwed everyone over.  Again. What a twat.

Again it’s not the money, it’s the principle. He had better look twice for speeding Micras before he crosses the road.