It is *ON*!

I had set the bar for my best effort for 3 miles. It was a 6.30 m/m. It near killed me, but that was it, best effort. I then upped the pace to 6.20 and failed badly on two attempts on tired legs. As I said in my last blog I was going to rest for a day or two then try again. On Friday I warmed up, rested for a minute and gave myself a stern talking to. “Do. Or do not. There is not try. And there is no ‘do not’. Do it, fatlad.”

I set the pace at 6.15 and went for it.

I battered it! I kept the pace up for 5k (3.1 miles) to see what my best speed was for the distance, then dropped the speed (still sub 7!) for 2 miles to get my breath back, then did the last mile of 10k at 6.30!

Check me out!

Catching my breath at sub 7! Straight after setting new PB. And finishing off with my previous PB!

The thing is, it wasn’t that bad. I just stared ahead, concentrated on my breathing, got my pulse down to 150 ish, and carried on. As demonstrated by the extra .1 of a mile. Usually I’m playing mind tricks for the last 5 minutes, telling myself ‘after this is only a half mile, after the next minute it’s only a minute, 10 seconds, 9, …1,  STOP!’  This time I reckon I could have done another mile at that pace.

So, so chuffed. After those failures earlier in the week I was worrying I might not be able to improve. I’d started to think that I’d hit my physical barrier. Which would have been doubly embarrassing as I’d not previously considered the possibility that I might have one, and I’ve told everyone my plans based on the assumption that graft = results. It would have been a monster portion of humble pie to choke down if I couldn’t have improved at all.

Anyway, that is not a concern now. Mission Improbable is *ON*!


After such a glorious day yesterday, I went to hop on a trailer at work today and pulled my groin. D’oh!

I tried to do some fast miles when I got in, but my legs weren’t having it. My shins were hurting and my groin was sore.

My funky new watch arrived today. It is all-singing and all-dancing. I’m going to put it through it’s paces tomorrow. Probably slowly if my legs aren’t better.


I had a moment of epiphany earlier this week; I’m on mornings at the moment, I can join a running club!

That is why I was testing my 5 and 10k times. The Spectrum Striders (Birchwood running club) train in three groups. The fast group is defined as 5k in 16-22 minutes, 10k in 33-44 m and a half marathon as 1.09- 1.34.

I did 5k in 19.27 and 10k in 40.22. I’ve not tried a half marathon at pace yet. I think I should get into the fast group though. If they can beast me to a 1.09 half, that’s got to be a 2.30 marathon, surely?

I was going to go and play (with SS) tomorrow but with an injury I’d best not.

I’m not overly concerned about joining a running club. Tri club is intimidating because I’ll be the fat, useless, half-drowning, old duffer (and not so clever cyclist).  In a running club I know I can hold my own.

Also, they say if you’re serious about tri join a running club, a cycling club and a swimming club. But that’s not the objective here, I just want to concentrate on doing one thing well. The Outlaw next year is just going to be me scraping by in the the swim (as usual), not being too terrible on the bike, then absolutely slaughtering the run. I hope. 

I am pumped with mojo at the moment. The trouble is; you can’t rest so you are fit for setting new PB’s and train. Still, forcing myself to endure longer (10 miles) at fairly fast pace 7 m/m set me up for that new PB. 

If my legs/ groin aren’t too bad tomorrow (injury fear!) I think I’ll download that training plan on the assumption that I will be able to step it up to 3 miles at 6 m/m. I can’t wait until I crack that barrier. I didn’t do it last time I started (before being laid up for months with injury) and I couldn’t do it this time. Taking a step back, and a longer run up, looks like it’s going to pay off.

Here is the training plan if you want to crack the sub 3 hour marathon btw: 

I was just looking at it and apart from the 3 miles at 6 m/m, (which I really think I can do next rested run) I can piss the rest right up until the end of  week 9.

And, I’ve just realised, it’s not a 20 week schedule, it’s 14! I don’t know that I trust it. The longest run is 3 weeks before the race and that is 20 miles in 2.30. Which works out as a marathon in 3.16. You are supposed to lose 17 minutes in 3 weeks without speed or distance training? *worried face*

Hmm, I’ll try it, I still have 5 weeks spare at the end if I need to work on speed and endurance. Kind of the definition of a fast marathon.


Anyway, enough of my self indulgent waffling.  Bring on the bread and circuses that is Twitter;


The DMreporter had:

ENERGY: British Gas caught stealing flowers from graves, popping children’s balloons and robbing piggy banks. Also, extorting the public.

PRESS COULUSION: Did spin flop and red top push Tory fop for top job during bed hop?

IMMIGRATION: Star Trek convention raided by Border Control after advert boasting of ‘highest Romulan attendance in Europe.’

HISTORY: Reclusive widow of Lee Harvey Oswald turns down our interview request, so here’s 20 pictures of her in public. That’ll learn her.

POLL: Are unions a bigger threat to Great Britain than terrorism? A) Yes – I love freedom and puppies B) No – Hitler was right

TO CATCH A PREDATOR: Computer generated child ‘Sweetie’, created to entrap online paedophiles, looks all grown up at premier of new film…

BROADCASTING: BBC officially inherit title of ‘Evil Empire’ from Rupert Murdoch

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HACKING: Tapes of Elvis planning the assassination of JFK, skull of Hitler and T-1000 endoskeleton found in News of the World safe.

EDITORIAL: ‘Human rights, legal aid, Citizens Advice, banking regulations and the speaking clock are a gift to paedophile terrorists.’



In politics/ tory scum we had:

Ah, BBC left wing bias: Nick Robinson – Young Conservatives David Dimbleby – Bullingdon Andrew Neil – Murdoch John Humphrys – Daily Mail

I think the fact that the EDL has set up a Spanish ex-pat division has made my life. They’re too stupid to see their hypocrisy

Just to be clear, David Cameron is threatening to use D-Notices or legal injunctions on @guardian if it continues to publish #snowden files

Kinda weird that Cameron wants to stop Guardian releasing Snowden leaks. After all, if Cameron’s done nothing wrong, he has nothing to hide.

Osborne has borrowed more money than #Labour did in 13 years of power combined. The Deficit is not down. The stats are out there. #tories

No Country for Old Men, Old Women, Disabled, Unemployed, Immigrants, Teachers, Nurses and Badgers. #ToryHalloweenFilms

Good Will Fox Hunting #ToryHalloweenFilms

Funny how Tories can sympathise with residents who object to wind farms, but dismiss those with concerns for fracking as misinformed.

The Nepalese have a word for people like David Cameron. It’s whatever the Nepalese is for "twat".

"Labour has never been a socialist party but it’s always had socialists in it just as there are some Christians in the Church" – Tony Benn

We should knock this second home for MPs business on the head. Build them halls of residence instead. They take the piss.

MPs claim expenses for houses, heating, food, travel, children paddocks, underpants etc. But its the poor who want something for nothing?

Ken Clarke on the veil: "It’s a most peculiar costume for people to adopt in the 21st century."

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Wonga has given the Tory party 800,000 so far this year – of course they won’t regulate

That a UK MP is able to claim more for heating a SECOND home than a disabled person can claim in housing benefit is nothing short of evil.

Ukip must have about 200 seats the amount of times they are on tv, oh no sorry its none, easy mistake to make


(Sub section, UKIPtips) Leave people in no doubt what you stand for by changing your description from ‘Libertarian, non-racist’ to ‘Libertarian, non-racist, but…’

Fed up with the BBC’s ‘lefty bias’? Cheer up, Nigel Farage will be making his 1000th Question Time appearance on Thursday



And general brought us this:

We had the Southern panic over that storm in a teacup. I contributed this:

Bit windy. #battendownthehatches #runtotheshelters #everymanforhimself #sodthewomenandchildren #wind #overreaction #panicandfreakthefuckout

Devastating storms are currently ripping through Kent.

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BBC news – "Stay indoors overnight." Time to cancel that period of randomly standing outdoors between 3-5am that I was planning before work.

I wasn’t paying attention, did Larnden get washed out to sea?

Was there a Godzilla attack? Did someone RELEASE THE KRAKEN? Was their a giant kitten on the Post Office Tower?


Snowflakes are like people. Pour boiling water over them and they’ll soon go away.

It’s almost as if The Bible was written by racist, sexist, homophobic, violent, sexually frustrated men, instead of a loving God. Weird.

SSS $ The international emoticon for: A gang of snakes are burning an eel at the stake. Why can’t they get along?

The govt is building new nuclear power stations. It’s going to be a real shot in the arm for Britain’s struggling Godzilla fighting industry

C4 News reporting Ofgem report that bulk of recent energy bill rises accounted for by doubling of energy company profits!

They could make baseball actually interesting by releasing lions on to the field.

What a coincidence drivers of VIP paedos Savile and Demmink both found dead. That’s the power elite for you.

Saville’s driver JUST HAPPENED to commit suicide on the eve of his sex abuse trial. High-level paedo rings are nothing if not ‘persuasive’.

#GEMINI: Today you replace the can of air freshener in the workplace lavatory with an air horn. So now it’s just a waiting game.

I don’t have a costume. I’ll probably just cut eye holes in an old sheet and go as a moderate Republican

Hippos only have good intentions

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The Daily Mail are using Lou Reed as a cautionary anti-drugs tale. Don’t do drugs or you may die at 71, respected the world over.

I’ve got a "bun" (baby) in the "oven" (oven)!

"Obamacare is like crack," says Michele Bachmann, increasing the pressure on crack dealers to offer coverage for pre-existing conditions

If you ask Google Maps for walking directions from The Shire to Mordor, it responds "One does not simply walk into Mordor."

You know those micro pigs ? Thinking of getting one ? Don’t.

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The real meaning of Halloween gets lost in all the costumes and marketing. Most people don’t even know Jesus fought a dragon, let alone why.

This is probably the wrong time to mention that Twitter was built on an ancient Indian burial ground.



Possibly the best pumpkin I have ever seen. EVER

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Sir Patrick Stewart in the bath in a lobster suit.

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The #Sun admits ‘600,000 #benefittourist story was ‘not accurate’ & ‘has no evidence’ correction


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Whatcha. I’m at a wedding. This is the cake. Fucking ace.

Whatcha. I’m at a wedding. This is the cake. Fucking ace.

A beaver in a bee costume.

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LONDONERS. Get to Birmingham 50 minutes quicker by setting off from Rugby

Octogenarian Russian shepherd kicks and headbutts [bear], which tosses him off a cliff – but he lives…

Oh this is fab Guys from Ducati dealership strike typical "girl on bike" poses.

FRIDAY FILM FACT: JJ Abram’s Star Wars VII film will feature a new villain; a Sith Lord composed entirely of lens flare.

There is at least one hugely annoying person in every family. If you cannot think of a clear contender in yours, it’s you.

Remember Remember The 25th of December Is still nearly 2 months away. I see no reason Why Tinselly Season Should really be started today.

For Halloween someone dressed their child up as Gordon Ramsay and I’m glad they did

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Children’s books are a lot darker than they used to be.

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The requirements from the client is "Do not design in a way that is known to cause seizures", you know, in case that was our plan.

I bet half the posers wearing Che Guevara t-shirts can’t even name one of his songs.

Royal Mail claiming "#weloveparcels", but cynical part of me thinks that they partly deliver them just for the money.

Marvellous. A busker sings “Smalltown Boy” by Bronski Beat. Then Jimmy Somerville surprises him by joining in.

24 mile commute season ticket comparison: Paris £924 Berlin £700 Madrid £654 London £3,268 Profits before customers! #Rail #Renationalise

So shooting down people at an airport is *not* terrorism, but carrying a flashdrive with evidence of gov’t wrongdoing *is* terrorism

One reason why girls and young women grow up with zero self-esteem: …

(That is 37 seconds of your life you just have to spend. It is gobsmacking.)

Is Peter Capaldi’s Doctor too old? "How many young Santa Clauses have you seen?" says Steven Moffat

Dear homophobes, Stop being gay.

Middle age is when you start singing the Bionic Man theme music and it turns into Emmerdale Farm.


I think there’s a glitch in the matrix this Monday morning

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Lest we forget

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8yro son: Shall we put the Christmas tree up? 10yro daughter: Don’t be an idiot, it’s only just November. She’s my favourite child now.

How many Egyptian liberals does it take to change a light bulb? Why, where’s the military?

If u think gays should have equal rights, u must be gay, say #teaparty people. Also, if u don’t want whales to be slaughtered, u’re a whale.

Last year, EDF paid nearly £700m in dividends, SSE £770m and Centrica more than £800m. #EnergyBills

Please can somebody just starve that Hopkins woman of the oxygen of publicity? Or just oxygen? Whatever’s easier.

Great picture guys. Drunken French teenagers abduct a circus llama and take him on a tram ride

Happy Bonfire Night! Don’t forget your pets tonight and ensure all dogs have kitten ear muffs!

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Guy Fawkes was the last man to wear one of those bloody masks with honourable intent.

You can take your religion and …. Oh actually *thats true*!… I think I just found God.

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A potato wrapped in foil and placed in the base of your bonfire makes an ideal ‘last meal’ for the condemned hedgehog trapped in there.

If you find a hedgehog in your bonfire, first remove it safely, then sit it in a massive chair and take a photo of it

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CATS. Need a shit? Why not wait ’til your owner has a hangover and use the litter tray? Be sure to maintain .eye-contact.

These indoor fireworks are brilliant

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HAAAAHA look at the one on the left what the hell hahahawesome.


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Never explain, never apologise. Sorry, but that’s how I feel.

My daughter just wrote a note to the tooth fairy. It included a series of questions and the attached footnote.

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"i’m not a hipster but i can make your hips stir" i’m not water but i will drown you

The most British thing I’ve ever read.

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Daphne sat for ages like this today. Maybe living with gays and watching Sister Act incessantly is to blame

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A homoerotic fanart has accidentally been used as the official poster for #Thor 2 in China:

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Over on Facebook the Muslims are cancelling Christmas again. I’m wondering if Facebook is getting Muslims confused with the Grinch.

This is also 100% genuine… A person dialled us on 999 to report that: “My friend has just stolen my heroin!” Seriously.

Daily Mail admits to completely fabricating expenses claims by Gordon Brown:  Make sure to share this far and wide.

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Dont stop!!!!!


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People telling how many sleeps it is until Christmas: That number reduces significantly if I knock you unconscious.

Best cable management ever.

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My monkey’s had a typewriter for 14 years now and all he’s written is The Da Vinci Code and a series of Mrs Brown’s Boys. #disappointing

Fav phrase so far today: Mr. Miyagi didn’t teach the Karate Kid to believe in himself. He taught him how to kick people in the fucking head.

Salvation Army says “Gays Need to Be Put to Death” — consider that before deciding whom to donate to

*It’s A Wonderful World plays* 8yo: Is this Nelson Mandela singing? Me: No, Louis Armstrong. 6yo: Is he Neil Armstrong’s brother?

hahaha all you dopes reading this were forever denied access to heaven 21 years ago

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#Thor‘s up all night for the Norse

Thor’s up all night with his horse

Thor’s up all night yeah of course

Thor’s up all night to get Loki

And on that sublime note,