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I ordered the exact same gear cassette as is on the new bike to fit to the trainer, but the next day I got impatient and fitted the one off the bike to it. Yup. No more grinding. What a dumbarse! Years I was cursing that trainer, and it was just the wrong size gears for the chain. I did a ride one day, then a ramp test the next to set my fitness. There were about 10 increases in wattage resistance, and the trainer tracked them all. That’s saved me £400, I don’t need a new trainer.

Also on the cheap, that free cycling app I started using a while back, MyWhoosh, has really upped it’s game.

It’s got the boring blocks of effort (bottom of screen) from Trainer Road, the social aspect (other real people to race against, go on group rides with) and the pretty graphics of Zwift, the text encouragement/ distraction of Sufferfest, it connects to my trainer and equipment, has training plans, and it’s free. Amazing. I’ve started a fitness building plan. I’ve only done the first day but it might be too easy. I might jump to the next level if it doesn’t get tougher.

I’ve jumped straight back into my latest obsession.

For once I’m not avoiding the swim. I suck at it, but I have a plan. I’m trying to swim at least 3 times a week, that will build up strength, and every session I’m working on my faults. I’ve an ongoing battle with the breathing. I need to keep my head in the water and my mouth has to barely clear it. That is tough. But it’s something I’m committed to mastering. I’m having better luck sorting out my stroke. There is a simple drill to stop you windmilling. Basically keep the front hand stretched out until the other hand slaps it in passing. As soon as I stop thinking about it I go back to windmilling and one stroke just disappears in a powerless flop. But I’ve managed to do a few lengths where I stick to it. I’m hoping it will become muscle memory. The other thing I’m working on is rotating on to both sides, so I have a high elbow, clear of the water. And forcing my chest down to make my legs stay up. I’ll work through my faults as best as I’m able, building some strength in the process, then I’ll book a one to one session with a swim coach.

In the last week I’ve done three swims. I found out on the second swim, my watch, by some voodoo, can record laps even in an indoor pool. Cool. Way better than manually clicking the ring-like device I was using last time, I always missed clicks.

I’ll not lie, I did not see this coming.

I stopped looking at motorbikes, yay!

Then I started looking at smart bike trainers. Where did that come from? I was hot on the trail of some decent bargain second hand ones. Used is a bit of a gamble, but the reviews said one of them was built like a tank. The latest model of it has wifi connection, which I would like, but that one is over £500 second hand. Then one of my Bluesky chums recommended the JetBlack Victory. Never heard of it. I read DC Rainmaker’s review and it sounds fantastic, he said it is basically the only choice for a sub £1000 trainer, and isn’t far off the spec of the £1k+ ones. He said the only problem is getting one, as demand is outstripping supply. It’s £400 brand new and has the wifi connection! It’s supposed to be silent and really good at the smart trainer thing, with smooth transitions. My Elite one makes a nasty grinding noise, is noisy, and when it hits a hill goes from spinning to standing on the pedals immediately. It’s brutal.

I ended my last blog by saying that I was going to get help for my bike addiction. It wasn’t a joke. Before I’d even collected my latest bike I wanted to get back to window shopping motorbikes. I love looking at them, weighing the pros and cons, and generally enjoying the thrill of the chase. The trouble is, while 98% of them I can dismiss as ugly, meh, too dear, etc, etc, there is a consistent 2% that pop up and are ridiculously good bargains. I know I’m not going to see that bike for that price again. Then I have to try and hold out and prevaricate for the few days until it sells. Or, like the CB550/Four, I will end up buying it. The only way to avoid the trap is to not look. But when I’m bored I love to look.

For a long time it was a joy for me to be able to buy all the bikes I’ve always wanted but couldn’t afford, but this latest purchase, while it is a bargain, and a lovely bike, was done with regret. I felt bad that I’d given in to a symptom of my condition. If I’m too self aware to enjoy the buzz of the acquisition of new bikes, it’s time to quit.

Since arranging to buy this bike I’ve shut the search pages I had open. I am genuinely tired of the cycle. I’ve also found a free online BPD course. It’s called a Dialectical Behavior Therapy. It seems to be about mindfulness and being in the moment. I can only try.

The world is reeling from the bin fire that is the ongoing debacle of President Musk’s AmeriKKKa and social media is just one long doomscroll, so I’ve decided to try to not get dragged into foreign politics, about which I can do nothing, and concentrate on the good things. As I said on the socials, it’s not that I don’t care, consider my pearls clutched, it’s just that I don’t want to drown in impotent despair.

So, good things:

I think I’m finally free of the enervation of the covids. That was pretty bad for quite a long time. I was running scared of triggering it again. I just couldn’t face it. So that is excellent.