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Things are sort of moving apace in my new madness. I keep making progress only to have to stop again. I was supposed to be going to pick up my new boat today. I was all excited. I’ve bought a book on how to sail, and read it a few times. I’ve also watched a really good video on the basics. How to start, steer and stop. I was wondering about the last of them, as there are no brakes. It turns out it was the same as the other thing I was worrying about, going overboard and the ship charging off into the distance. Apparently it’s the sailor holding the sail to the wind that powers it. As soon as you let go of the mainsheet (get me! That’s the bit of rope that pulls the sail around) the sail swings around like a weather vane, so it’s no longer catching the wind and powering the boat. I was pretty confident I could at least do some basic sailing. I’ve applied to two local yachting places for lessons. One of them, Pickmere Lake club, got back to me. The first thing they said was not to buy a Topper (the little boat, slightly more that a surfboard with a sail, I was supposed to be getting today) as they are built for teenagers. You have to be small to fit under the boom (the bottom bar of the sail) and lightweight. I might get away with the height, and I am quite limber, but unfortunately I am too blubbered up. The good news though, is that the club are running level 1 and 2 courses in a fortnight! I’ve had to join to be able to take the lessons, but that will take me from ‘complete lubber’ to ‘lubber with delusions of adequacy’. They also gave the good advice to join the club, try out some boats, see what suits, and then buy one. Assuming I like it. I had one go at parachuting and never went back. I’m fairly confident I will like it. It sounds a hoot. Anyway, assuming I do, and I get a boat, the good thing about the club is you get berthing for one boat included in your membership. And, if I get a hefty one, for a further £31 a year I can stash a boat trailer there. It’s a fairly big lake and you can get an access card so you can sail whenever you feel like. This is good. I was envisioning trips to Liverpool for sea sailing. I don’t have to worry about lugging the boat about, unless we go on holiday or whatever, and I’ve got a safe place to sail. They do races there one day a week, mainly to improve your sailing skills they say. Now I just need to buy a cravat. Yachting club. Me. Who’d have thought? A sub-obsession, relating to the main boating one, was a sudden need to buy a car to […]

I can barely bring myself to say this. My Triumph Daytona was my last, best hope, for biking. I fear it failed. I know from the outside this seems incredible, 5 weeks after getting my dream super toy and being over the moon with it, and I still love it, but I think the bottom line is there is no place in my life for a motorbike right now. After the painfully obsessive bit, and getting all the kit, I’ve only been out on it about 4 times. I went out today to a quiet spot with a big roundabout just before a dead end, so no traffic goes there, to practice some cornering technique. I was rubbish, and a bit embarrassed, so only did two laps then went off for a ride. As I was riding it struck me. All the arguments that *proved* this was the bike I *must have* were all wrong. I don’t have the skills to ride knee-down, and when I was out on the ride I was having to watch out for speed limits as my job is on the line. I’ve got an awesome, beautiful bike, that I can’t, and don’t, use. The only thing I could think of would be going to track days. So a pointless bit of a pretty I use twice or three times a year. I have nowhere to go. I have absolutely no need for a motorbike. I’ve been getting regular 5 shifts one week, 6 shifts the next at work (legal maximum) to make sure we have enough money while Wendy is on the sick. I did a calculation the other day and realised, even with Wendy off, we still are the best off we’ve ever been. I was window shopping the dream bikes of my life. My birth year (1966) Triumph Bonneville (£10K) A BSA A10 from the 50s (£6K) A classic CB750/four Honda from the 70s (£6K) And my guilty pleasure, a Honda CX500 in great condition, from the 80s (£4K) These are all bikes I’ve spent my life drooling over (well, maybe not the CX, but I do like the ugly beasts) and I’ve suddenly realised if I really wanted to I could afford to go out and buy one. And I’ve lost interest. It’s painfully ironic. I’m toying with the idea of a Harley. I can think of several good arguments why that would work. Slow, so won’t endanger my licence, you need zero skills to ride one because of point 1 (and the fact they aren’t built to go around corners) and you don’t have to be going anywhere, it’s a Zen Mindfulness bike, the whole fun is in that very moment, pottering along, feeling cool . But I think I’m fooling myself. Again. Wendy and the bikers from Twitter are saying to think it over, but I’m having a sad moment of clarity. If I’m having to force myself to go for rides because I can’t see any point to […]

I had a bit of a to-do when I got my new bike and realised my kit wasn’t appropriate. You need proper race type kit for a race bike, in case of crashes. Previously it was my leather jacket, a stout pair of boots, a stylish (but minimal protection) pair of soft leather gauntlets, and, usually, whatever trousers I was wearing at the time. If you want to throw the bike into corners you need knee sliders. So that means new leather jeans. Then I might as well update my jacket to suit. And I need proper bike boots. And gloves. I got my kit. It took a few goes on the trousers as I am the exact perfect height for a man (5′ 6 ½”) but everyone else is freakishly tall, so I had to get short leg. And they flatter us porkers with the waist sizes. I’m, at best, a 34″, I ended up having to get a 30″ waist. I got all the kit. I was ready for some knee down thrilling heroics. I went out for a few rides. Turns out I’m still crap, but with better kit. Oh. Should have seen that coming, really. I was a bit sad about that as I can’t do any track day tuition on my bike until next April (I think) when I change to an insurance policy that covers track days. On the off chance I’ve just googled “Knee down course” and there is one run in Wigan. That’s handy. And you train on their bike so no need to worry about insurance! I’ve emailed to see when they have any availability. It’s a progressive skills course. Teaching you theory, motorcycle handling, more theory, cornering with no hands (body balance steering) more theory, then application in the form of knee down riding. Until you look like this: And that is a blue Daytona, so that’s pretty much exactly how I want to look. So that’s good. The other thing at the moment is work. I’ve been trying to get the legal maximum of 5 shifts one week, 6 shifts the next for the last 8 weeks. So far I’ve only had one day when I didn’t get any work. That’s pretty amazing for an agency job. I couldn’t get that in my last, full time, job. There has been a bit of a hoo-ha lately over lorry drivers. A totally unexpected side effect of Brexit, the Hostile Environment, and telling foreigners to go back home, is that the foreigners have gone back home. Nobody could have seen it coming. The upshot of it is panicked newspaper articles where supermarket bosses are saying they have empty shelves because they can’t get the drivers, calling on the government to mobilise the army to do deliveries (as far as I know, the army don’t have artic drivers, they recruit civvies to the TA to drive the artics) and warning of “supply chain collapse”. The government’s response is to rip up the […]

Once again I find I’ve lived long enough to become what I previously despised. I’ve got my new bike as a toy. My main mode of transport is my pushbike, the motorbike is just for having fun. For going fast into corners, leaning right over. It follows, therefore, that I want optimum riding conditions. If it’s raining, and when it gets around to snow and ice, there would be no point in taking it out. I’ve become a Fair Weather Biker! The shame! I’ve also realised that the loud “race” (exhaust) pipes are exactly that. For racing. I’ve always loathed the numpties who have hideous screaming pipes, thinking it was ‘look at me, look at me!’, noise for noises sake. It’s not. With no baffles the exhaust gases blow out the back in the most efficient manner possible, allowing the engine to perform to it’s maximum capacity. Yes, it’s totally anti-socially loud, but that’s the by-product, not the goal. I’m still in two minds about the latter, to be honest. I don’t need the extra few horse power, and I don’t like the racket. I might put the legal baffle back in. It’s a compromise. Not the strangled and heavy original exhaust, but not the ear ringing race can that it’s running now. If I put it back in I’ll have to take it to the Triumph garage to have the engine mapping (fuel computer) reset. Another thing I’ve never realised, being a year round, mode of transport, biker is how much you can specialise your kit if you’re a Fair Weather. I won’t be thrashing around in the snow or rain, it’ll be mostly bone dry, warm days. Up until a few days ago I thought that meant you had to sweat buckets in your leathers. It always has in the past. Nope. That what race leathers are for. Really safe in case of crashes, but with vents and such to keep you cool. All my kit is for trying to stave off hypothermia in winter. I’ve treated myself to a new set of leathers. I was vacillating over many options. A cheap set that had been crashed and had bust bits, other second hand stuff, or new. I was nearly swayed to buying this: It’s a second hand set of trousers and jacket, by a good make, branded Triumph. I looked and the sizing is wrong on the trousers. I’m too short. On normal trousers you can just chop the bottom off, but bike trousers have knee armour and knee sliders so you can prop the bike up on your knee if you go in to corners really hot. This was what stopped me from getting second hand in the end, I need short leg, in a world of freakishly tall people. I was tempted by the brand buy-in. Look at me, I’ve got a Triumph. (Sad.) Which is why every single item a Harley rider owns has the words Harley and Davidson on it. The other thing […]

Quick update on my new bike. I was doing my obsessive search of the 4 main sale sites looking for a Daytona when I saw this bike. He’d only just posted it, I replied straight away, and asked to see it after work the next day. He didn’t want me to as he said the battery had died and he’d only just ordered a new one. He said if I really wanted to see it he could start it off jump leads. I was on late finishes the rest of the week so I insisted. When I got there the battery had arrived, he’d fitted it, and the bike started on the button. It looked pristine. I mean, really, really, immaculate. It was still a bit of a gamble. It said ‘full service history’, 19,000 miles, and 2 owners (I think). But it was a grand cheaper than similar examples of that age and mileage, and had no MOT. The advert said it had only done 20 miles since it’s last, genuine Triumph, service (the ride home from the service) so it should be fine. As I said I’ve paid top dollar for a bike in the past, thinking it was going to be getting a better bike because it was dearer, and ended up feeling cheated. I took a chance. I’d had the foresight to get £50 out to leave as a deposit, if the bike was nice. It was gorgeous. I didn’t even think of trying to haggle. I put the £50 down and arranged to collect it today. I couldn’t get it earlier because of the late finishes, then everything being shut on a Sunday. The only way I could legally ride it home was to be going to a pre -arranged MOT inspection. It was only down the road, so we went for it today. Wendy doesn’t do motorways so I drove us there, and she just had to follow me back. Wendy made some small talk with the seller “Are you sad to be losing your lovely bike?” “Yes. When you’ve had traders ringing you up and offering to pay full price you know you’ve underpriced it.” I’ll say. By about a grand! I paid him without even taking it for a test ride (I couldn’t, legally). It was all on faith. The condition of the bike, the service history, the mileage, and him being at pains to point out the tiniest chip in the screen as a defect, made me give it a go. I rode the bike home, slowly and legally. 24 miles of non-motorway small roads. It didn’t miss a beat. Slickly through the gears, great brakes, felt awesome. I took it for it’s MOT. This was where it could all go horribly wrong. Nope, it passed with no advisories. I’ve got a perfect bike, in perfect condition, for a bargain. This makes me a happy, happy bunny! The guy who was selling it had been racing motorbikes since a kid, so […]