Grip got.

It’s been a hell of a week. Operation #10milesaday has been a killer. It’s shocking how quickly you can go from ‘can I run a fast 20 miles?’ to ‘can I complete 10?’

My first ‘run’ was painful and slow, the second with my GPS watch merely quantified *how* slow by the third I’d buggered my tendon, it was stiff and painful, took me the first mile to loosen it up. It wasn’t enough to stop me so I did a third, while on my diet. I only had 300 calories then set out to expend 1,240. I crashed and burned like the Hindenburg. That was dreadful. Approaching 7 miles I was dying, by 8 I had to stop for a few minutes. I shuffled home in a very sorry state.

Since then I’ve been having 500+ calories before I start. So far, so not too bad.

My tendon has been getting worse, yesterday it was stiff as soon as I got out of bed and took me most of the day to loosen up. I did another run, my fifth, but the injury was worse afterwards so I’m resting it for a day or two.

I went online to work out how many calories I need to eat to lose weight, I worked out my Base Metabolic Rate, timesed it by 1.55 (for regular exercise 4 times a week) which gave me 2,460 calories a day to maintain, therefore I’m trying to eat less than 2,000.

So far I’ve lost 4 pounds in 5 days. I had actually lost that in 2 days, but then inexplicably put a pound back on. Still, as long as it’s moving and I’m not actually starving to death.

The runs have improved in just 5 days. At first every step was torture, now, once my tendon is working, there are miles that are OK, where I can get into the rhythm and more or less forget about it. I was even pushing on a bit on my last run.

In 4 (timed) runs I went from 1.27:47 to 1.23:46, but more importantly in the first run I had two miles over 9 m/m, and 5 others over 8:45 m/m, on the last run only one mile was over 8:30 (an 8:31, dammit!). I would normally be horrified to be posting 8:30’s, but this is now, that was then. Now I have to regroup, accept where I am, and build on it.

I used to consider 8 m/m my all day plodding pace. The default pace I dropped to if I didn’t keep the pressure on or if I was too knackered to push on. *sigh*

The other thing is, as always, my heartbeat. My watch records it and splits the results into zones; 1: Watching Corrie (minor), 2: Bit of an effort (maintaining), 3: Getting a sweat on (improving), 4: Grafting (highly improving) and 5: Taking the piss (overreaching)

All of my training is in zone 5.

I have no idea what I’m supposed to do with information. If I go any slower I’ll stop. I want to go faster. My body will just have to man-up and get over it.

At least this has given me a direction and some mojo again. I was just working and sleeping (and eating) before, now I have stuff to work towards again. I can’t wait for my ankle/ tendon to heal. And to be slim. And fit again.


Week later.


I gave it a few days, then did a 10 mile run. My shins were hurting from the off and killing when I stopped. I was really worried I’d given myself shin splints, a cover-all that goes up to and includes stress fractures.

Not a happy bunny. I wanted to get fit, I was getting seriously injured.

I read up on it, they named all the usual suspects; too many miles too soon, running on concrete, knackered/ non supportive trainers, over pronation.

It also occurred to me that as soon as I started using this pair of clunky steel toe cap boots at work it pulled my legs. I was in pain the next day. I thought it was me being a mard arse and I’d get used to it, but they still hurt.

My plan then; new, lighter boots, new trainers, off road running.

I got the boots for a tenner (win!) brand new Steelite boots. That is a brand name that suggests light steel toe caps.

Then I set to trawling the internet for trainers. I always get Asics so that narrowed it down. I’ve learnt to go for width 2E, (wide fitting so the bones in my feet don’t grind, very painful) and this time I wanted maximum over pronation correction as shin splints is worrying.

I was seeing lots of new models that were for ‘neutral to mild over pronation’, all over £100. Then I stumbled across a model of Asics I’d never heard of, 2E, max support, not this year’s model so half price, £57. Epic FTW!

I’d laid off the running out of pure fear of injury while I waited for them to arrive. They got here today and I took a very nervous shuffle out of the front door. I was only going for a test run, of the trainers and my shins, I wasn’t going for a time just letting my legs set the pace. My shins were a bit uncomfortable but they didn’t progress to real pain, and I was comfortably banging out the miles. So much so I carried on and did a 14 mile run, averaging 8.37 a mile.

For me, where I am at the minute, that was bloody ace. The pace was meh, but OK by my current standard, my legs were OK and I was comfortable the whole time at that pace. My standards have dropped so low that I’ve been counting down the miles, in a sorry state, on 10 mile runs lately. Pitiful but there’s no avoiding it. You have to accept where you are and build from there.

If the new boots and trainers, and off road running, will keep me injury free (only one run, but I’m hopeful) then I can really get stuck in. Here’s hoping.


Work is a mixed bag. It remains the easiest and best job in the history of driving, and I’ve done my 12 weeks so this week was on pay parity (£13.82 p/h Mon-Fri, £17.52 weekend) and now with added paid breaks! That makes a big difference. It’s 45 minutes a day, but if you have to knock that off your hours it really makes a dent. Being paid for it means hours worked are hours paid.

The down side is getting the work. It’s been 3 days a week for the last 3 weeks. I still have tomorrow for this week, so if I’m in it would be a 4 day week, but no chickens are being counted.


The best news we’ve had in ages is Wendy has a date for her gall bladder operation! She’s going in, unless they cancel, next Tuesday, the 6th of May. Huzzah! *throws hat in the air* About bloody time.

So, things are finally happening.


On to the good bit of the blog, me stealing other people’s wit from Twitter;

The DMreporter had

A NEW CIVIL WAR? North of England accused of ‘waging war on the population’ after it emerges some still plan to vote Labour.

HYPOCRISY: Socialist Russell Brand lookalike throws money lenders out of the temple despite being showered with gifts from kings as a baby.

INTERNET: How Bitcoin, Facebook and Snapchat helps paedophiles kidnap your children using webcams and QR codes. Or something. Computers bad.


FEMININISM: Women lured into gambling debt by pictures of kittens and cupcakes. I’m not even making this one up

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(Gamble now, bitch! Or the kitten gets it!)

NIGEL FARAGE: “People only think UKIP are racist because they’re looking at what our members say, do and campaign about.”

(And DailyMailSimplified had)




In politics/ Tory scum (now with added UKIP scum) we had:

(Cameron said he was continuing Jesus’ work)

Was it St Paul or St David Jesus sent to Jericho to fight for bankers’ bonuses? #CameronJesus

Strange how coincidences follow Tories around. Thatcher’s PPS, Ian Gow, oversaw the selling-off of council homes His son now owns over 40

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.@Nigel_Farage employs a German (his wife) as his secretary & insists no British worker could do the job.

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Oh what a shock an all white crowd at #ukip meeting in #manchester tonight #racist #middleagedmenwithsmallcocks

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Is UKIP causing you distress with racist leaflets? Then cause them financial chaos by returning them free of charge.

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(Scheme to use their freepost)

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A corrected UKIP poster:

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Compulsory abortion for Down’s syndrome foetuses, says UKIP candidate …” Nastier & nastier

Protester throws egg at Nigel Farage. Exclusive interview with devastated parents

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Osborne added £453b to National Debt – £46b more than New Labour and approx £6bn more than all Lab Chancellors comb over the last 90 yrs’

163% increase in foodbank usage since a Tory gov’t………..Excellent

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When a Tory is on TV to attack Labour’s rent control plan, the journo MUST ask them if they are a landlord and how many properties they own

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Even our cat knows not to vote #UKIP

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Cat was a bit worried about #ukip leaflet

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And best till last, General:

OK, lycra on. Nipples taped. Bum greased. Ready for a run. Or becoming a Tory MP.

14yo girl trafficked & raped. Daily Mail describes situation as "her short-lived career as a prostitute"

(Sunday Mail sent a reporter in to a food bank to lie about being desperate and conned food out of them)

Charity Gave Help Without Interrogating The Needy, reveals collective of arseholes.

Imagine resenting the fact food banks give out food, rather than the fact they have to exist.

Foodbanks are the poor showing solidarity and freely giving food to the even poorer. Little wonder The Mail despises them.

So the Daily Mail "exposed charity fraud" by defrauding a charity, which is like "investigating domestic violence" by beating your kids.

(DMreporter noted) NO QUESTIONS ASKED: Jewish socialist gives free food to 5,000 – without even checking if they’re poor.

EXCLUSIVE: Our reporter went into a restaurant and ordered a curry when he didn’t really want one. And they brought one over! The waste!

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TOMORROW: We prank call the 999 emergency services to expose how much time and money they waste talking to prank calls. Boom! Journalism!

I’ve given this full and careful consideration and have now come to the conclusion that the Daily Mail can just fuck off.

Surely we can report Paul Dacre to the PCC? What? Oh.

Angry at the #mailonsunday for their vile Food Bank cynicism? Then donate to @TrussellTrust. It takes 5 seconds.

(Which lead to over a 1000% increase in donations Fuck you, Daily Heil!)

The Daily Mail a Timeline of Shame – Rotten to the core!

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31% of internet users had their minds blown from unremarkable facts in 2013.

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Dies Friday. Comes back Sunday. That’s not three days. That’s two. I’m beginning to think this "Bible" might be a bunch of bullshit.

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"in apocalyptic films the familiar landmarks are the first to be destroyed; but in post-apocalyptic movies they are all that remains."

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Partial graphic of US military outposts. Oh, the sorrows of empire

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(Remember, Russia has 2 foreign military bases, as does the UK)


Unexplained Intergalactic Radio Bursts Confirmed At Arecibo – …

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You what, Morgan?

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Street art by Banksy

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(Now that is clever.)

"Do bears shit in the woods?" "Umm, not ALL bears," notes a polar bear, smugly using white privilege to kill a seal.

Existential dating tip: 1. Gaze long into the abyss. 2. The abyss gazes back. 3. Get a room.

Christopher Walken:

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Shakespeare invented so many words we take for granted today, like ‘HDMI cable’, ‘Netto’, ‘loyalty card’ and ‘small mouse’.

A friend said their new baby will bring her hubby & her closer. And then we laughed and laughed and laughed.

Hands down the best photo ever taken at a dog show.

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#LEO: You lie to a friend today about the cuteness of their ugly, ugly baby.

My cat is sad because he is thinking about British people who use the phrase "do the math"

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My cat is sad because he looks at you all, sees the love there that’s sleeping, while his guitar gently weeps.

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The 9 worst logo design fails ever… …

Perspective: only 8% of people on benefits have 3+ children. Only 1 in 8 housing benefit recipients are unemployed.

Just try it. I dare you.

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A man on #c4news has melted by brain by saying: "I’ve lived in Cornwall all my life and it’s different from anywhere else I’ve lived.

After Coulson says he can’t remember whether he read the Milly Dowler story, Andrew Edis QC asks him: "Do you remember editing a newspaper?"

Don’t let anyone call you an underachiever. If they knew you, they’d understand how amazing it is that you’ve managed to achieve anything.

#HipsterBooks I, Ronic

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Selfie of radiologists

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Dear BMW, I have noticed a serious H&S issue in your cars: no matter how mofo slow they are unable to move out of middle lane. Please adjust

White are countries not invaded by UK. I’ve put Bolivia on my to do list.

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This Autistic student deserves an A+.

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Lenny Henry in 70s: "Enoch Powell has offered me £1k to go home, which is great because it’s only £10 on the train from here to Birmingham.”

Govt is closing our hospitals everywhere yet happy to spend x zillion pounds of taxpayer money to cut journey time to Birmingham by 30 mins

Just sent this to Nigel Farage What’s black and doesn’t work? Decaf coffee you racist bastards!! I crease myself up sometimes, I really do

Suicide is never the answer. Unless the question is "What’s it called when kill yourself?" Then yes, the answer is Suicide.

To soon FedEx to soon

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I accidentally sent a picture of my dick to everyone in my address book. Not only was it really embarrassing, it cost me a fortune in stamps

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"Twerking" and "selfie" added to the Oxford English Dictionary. "Future" and "Optimism" have been removed.

(VeryBritishProblems noted)

The overwhelming sorrow of finding a cup of tea you forgot about

Wow, Gerry Adams. It’s always the ones you least expect, isn’t it? Imagine the neighbours: "He always seemed like such a nice, normal guy".

Columbo has just turned on his heels, pointed his cigar at Gerry Adams and said "Just one more thing…"

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Bruno Catalano’s "Disappearing" sculptures are stunning & stop you in their tracks:

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Hairdresser: Know what I’d hate? Me: What? Her: Being in a persistent vegetative state. Me: Oh yeah, me too. *stares at self in mirror*

Science Fact…..

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"An ennui pie topped with existential angst & a garnish of despair & the futility of existence" "Go home, Heston. You’re drunk" #heston


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Within the first two months of legal marijuana sales in Colorado, property crimes decreased by 14%, and homicide rates were down by 67%.


The moral of the story is that pigs, like humans, would rather be eaten alive by a wolf than deal with estate agents.

"What do we want?" "Less pedants" "When do we want it? "FEWER"

AAARRRGGHHH …. the way my colleague types makes me want to eviscerate him

I want to use a mallet on his twatty fingers

Almost crashed my car watching a man hug a bus stop


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And on that disturbing note,